


Shades of Grey: an Elite Squad (Tropa de Elite) FanFic

by Raissi (Rheila)



Category: Elite Squad (Tropa de Elite), Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (Tropa de Elite 2)
Genre: B.O.P.E., Crime, Drugs, Elite Squad, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Revenge, Torture, Tropa de Elite, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rheila/pseuds/Raissi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another scumbag on the streets of Rio. That's all Natalia was to Captain Nascimento when BOPE raided the slums she called home. Deep down though, they wanted the same things - to clean up the streets and put an end to the corruption that plagued their city. Could she learn to forgive and work with the same ruthless and brutal men who had hurt her? Could he go against all his special forces training and let down his hard exterior to earn that trust? After all, they needed each other in more ways than one. OC/Roberto Nascimento.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Dangerous Game

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any part of Elite Squad or Elite Squad 2: The Enemy Within. All I can lay claim to is my OC, Natalia. I was leery to write a fanfic based on these movies because I know little about Brazilian culture and was afraid I may offend or have misinterpreted. I'm sorry if that is the case but this is just a work of fiction based off a movie I really enjoyed and a dark and deeply flawed character I fell for.
> 
> Also if anyone knows of any other Elite Squad fanfics that are in English please let me know (sorry, it's the only language I know - I'm sure there are some great ones out there in Portuguese...) I'm dying to read them and I can't find any.

 

**Lyric's from Creed's "Don't Stop Dancing"**

The noise of the city droned in the background. In Rio De Janeiro it was never still, never quiet. Of course with over six million people and a bustling drug trade that much was to be expected. In the slums where the thugs and crooked cops did as they pleased it was near impossible to find a moment's peace. Especially for Natalia who had thrown herself into the heart of it. It had been two years since her family was murdered. Two years she had been living with the Red Command.

Yet it wasn't all bad, even in the most dangerous slums where Natalia found herself surrounded by criminals and drug lords. Once in a while she would see glimpses of the good in people that gave her hope. Hope that one day it wouldn't be the thugs and corrupt cops that ruled the city. Hope that there were still good people left who were willing to stand up for what was right. Hope that one day she might find justice for her family.

That day, though, seemed to fade so far into the future that Natalia wondered bleakly if it would ever come. She wondered if she would ever get herself out of this tangled mess. Flinging her wavy black hair over her shoulder the young woman sighed and returned her attention out the window to the hot and dusty street below. Baiano's men covered each side of the street. Their guns held in plain sight without regard for who might see them. That after all was the point: to be seen. The Red Command ruled the streets here. No one dared to complain. Not even the police.

"They're here," Natalia called back to Sergio as she watched a cop car roll to a stop down the block.

The license plate number was new. It was one she had not seen before. Natalia made a mental note of it. Later when it was safe she could jot it down with the others. The men, the supposed cops, who stepped out of the car, however, we're not unfamiliar. It was the same men who always came to collect the Police Commander's payoff. It was his fee to turn a blind eye to the drug and human trafficking that went on in the slums. It was the fee to keep their part in the fragile peace that existed between the thugs and the police, because no one really wanted to die... Not for people like Natalia and her family. The people here: they were poor, they didn't matter.

"Like fucking clockwork, I'm telling you," Sergio answered back.

"C'mon then," Marco snorted. "Baiano's counting on us, man."

Sergio and Marco's voices were no more than an insect like hum in the back of her mind as Natalia watched the scene below. The men with guns, Baiano's men, stepped confidently into the street below blocking the cop's path. They would keep them there and make sure they didn't try anything until Sergio and Marco could get down to deliver the money. Of course, the cops weren't stupid enough to try anything. If they did the cops knew it would be a blood bath... and they wouldn't be coming out on the winning side.

Yeah, she had to get out of this mess. It was a dangerous game that Natalia was playing. Either side was just as likely to kill her as the other. If it wasn't for her family, if it wasn't for Camila, she would have given up already. She would have run. Natalia wasn't brave, not really... She wasn't strong, not by any means. But she had made her baby sister a promise. Natalia had held Camila's bullet ridden body as she bled out and had made her a promise. She would bring the men who had done this to justice.

It was a reflexive motion as Natalia's hand came up and clutched the cross she wore around her neck. A motion she wasn't even aware she was doing until she felt the cool bronze metal in her hand, grounding her to what was important, to the reasons that she was here. The cross had been her sister's.

Natalia was here to find justice for her family. No one had wanted to hear it. No one had wanted to hear how dirty cops had gunned down her family as she watched helplessly. Everyone knew the police were corrupt, and they would protect their own even if it meant writing off the murders of an entire family... And Natalia's family was from the slums. They weren't important enough for anyone to take notice of the holes in the so-called investigative reports.

When the legal system had turned it's back on her, Natalia had found herself mixed up with Baiano and the Red Command. She was as close to the heart of the corruption as a girl from the slums could get. From here she could watch it all go down and gather the evidence she needed to go public. What she needed was something that people couldn't ignore. Something big and irrefutable. It was the only option she had left, and Natalia wouldn't give up until she had it. She wouldn't give up until she found justice.

* * *

In little over three months the Pope would be coming to Rio de Janeiro. The holy man, despite the clear dangers apparent to everyone else, insisted on spending the night near one of the city's most dangerous slums, Morro dos Prazeres, so that he could stay in the Archbishop's house. Perhaps the fool thought God would keep him safe, Captain Roberto Nascimento thought cynically to himself. Except it wouldn't be God, it would be BOPE:  _Batalhão de Operações Policiais Especiais_ , a special forces unit of the Rio de Janeiro Military Police also known informally as the Skulls.

"The plan is stupid," Captain Nascimento protested. "If we go in every night they will know we're coming." They would needlessly be putting his team's and his own life in danger, and for what? So that the Pope could have a quiet night... But no government would want His Holiness to take a bullet on their watch and that was why BOPE was called in. They went without hesitation to where the regular police feared to tread.

"Orders are orders," Nascimento's superior reminded him.

"But sir..." Captain Nascimento persisted. He was soon to be a father and this mission was needlessly dangerous. His wife, Rosane, and his unborn child needed him alive. It was time he found a replacement.

"Nascimento!" his superior snapped firmly. "You will lead this operation and the Pope will have a quiet night, is that understood?"

There was little room left for argument. Captain Nascimento nodded and felt the vice around his chest tighten. He could barely breathe properly let alone speak to continue his argument against the plan. Crossing his arms firmly over his chest so that his colleagues wouldn't be able to see his hands shake, Nascimento tried to write off his fears as nothing more than jitters related to fatherhood. But it stemmed further than that, he was exhausted and worn down. It was time to get out.

* * *

The scrap of paper Natalia had laid out before her held a list of numbers: all of the license plates, dates, times... It wasn't the holy grail of evidence she was searching for but it was a part of the puzzle, a piece of the bigger picture. It was one more scrap of evidence in her growing collection. When she had enough she would go public. She would do whatever it took to get people to notice. She would find justice against the crooked cops who had murdered her family.

The dull thud of footsteps down the hall registered in Natalia's ears. Someone was coming. Her heart stilled a moment as she hastily gathered her notes and shoved them back in her hiding hole under the floorboards.

"What were you doing?" Sergio asked as he stepped into the doorway, his imposing figure blocking her only route of escape.

Natalia swallowed the fear she felt and stood up to face Sergio. "None of your business," she snapped defiantly. "A woman is entitled to a little privacy, no?" she retorted as she tried to push past him. Sergio quickly brought an arm up, wedging it in the door frame and stopping her progress.

"Everything that goes on here is my business," Sergio informed her as he eyed her with suspicion. "What do you have there?" he asked, nodding to the papers Natalia held tightly in her hand.

Natalia shoved the ragged contents of her hand into his broad chest. "Are you happy now?" she demanded, tears welling up in her big doe eyes.

Sergio flipped over a worn photograph of two girls smiling and laughing on the beach. One of them he recognized instantly as Natalia, albeit a younger version. She couldn't have been older than sixteen when the photo had been taken. The other girl, even younger, wore a bronze cross around her neck. The same cross that Natalia now wore.

"Your sister?"

Natalia nodded mournfully and choked back a sob. It made her sick using Camila that way. She hated using her grief as cover. It made her skin crawl, made her feel cheap... But what choice did she have? If Baiano's men found out she was a fraud he'd have her killed.

"Hey Sergio, did you find Nat?" Marco's voice hollered from down the hall.

"Yeah, she's right here," Sergio replied as he lowered his arm from the door jam.

"Good," Marco said as he stepped into the room. "I just got off the phone with Baiano."

The temperature seemed to raise ten degrees with their three bodies crammed into the small space. Natalia could feel the sweat forming under her blouse, dripping between her breasts. The sooner she could get away from these jokers the better. To her blessing, Baiano had a soft spot for the young woman and her tragedy. Because of that so far his men had generally let her be, but Natalia didn't trust either of them. She especially didn't trust them with the way Marco had of leering at her.

If Baiano was phoning and the message was for her that was bad. Natalia tried hard to lay low and not be noticed. It was a strategy vital to her survival. "What did he want?" she asked hesitantly.

"You're taking the delivery to Morro dos Prazeres tonight," Marco said. His hand grazed Natalia's breast as he shoved a package straight into her chest.

"Me?" Natalia replied as she swatted his wandering hand away.

"Marco!" Sergio snapped casting his counterpart a stern glance.

Marco snorted. "Relax man, what's Baiano gonna do? I didn't do shit. You saw, right?"

"Fucking make sure it stays that way too, is all I'm saying," Sergio warned. "Ya know the motherfucker has a soft spot for the broad."

"Yeah, yeah, take it easy before you give yourself a hernia," Marco laughed. Licking his lips,he turned his attention back to Natalia and stared at her chest. "Yeah, you're to make the delivery. That's what he said."

Natalia ignored his rude gaze. "But why me?"

Marco shrugged. "The fuck should I know. You got a problem with it? You want to call Baiano up and tell him to find someone else?" he asked with a snicker.

She might as well slit her own throat, Natalia thought bitterly. She shook her head and took the package without further argument. It wasn't like she didn't know exactly why Baiano had chosen her. There were rumors about crackdowns in the favelas, the slums, with the Pope coming to Rio. Natalia was a fresh face: young, pretty, innocent. No one would suspect the girl... Or at least it was safer than sending his usual runners who were well known to the police.

Sergio and Marco left the room. Natalia sighed and let her eyes drop to the dusty floor. This wasn't what she'd signed up for. She wasn't a bad person. She wasn't a drug trafficker. "Oh Camila," she whispered casting her eyes heavenward from the floorboards where the two years of her work was squirreled away. "What am I to do?"

Of course, there was really no choice... Not unless Natalia wanted to be joining her sister among the ranks of the dead. She would deliver that package. After all, if she didn't do it, someone else would, Natalia reasoned. Maybe she would be going to hell, but at least she'd be bringing her families murderers with her. The evidence she was gathering against the crooked cops was solid. All she had to do was hang in there a little longer.

Natalia inhaled a deep breathe and tried to calm the shaking that started in her knees and threatened to take over to her very core. She would get through this. She had to, for Camila. Quietly she began humming letting the faint sound ease her frazzled nerves.

 

  
_"At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light,_   
_A silver lining sometimes isn't enough to make some wrongs seem right,_   
_Whatever life brings, I've been through everything,_   
_Now I'm on my knees again..._

  
_But I know I must go on,_   
_Although I hurt I must be strong,_   
_Because inside I know many feel this way..._

  
_Children don't stop dancing,_   
_Believe you can fly,_   
_Away...away..."_

Natalia let the soft, lullaby like song ease her racing mind and calm her fears. Music was her safety blanket, shielding her from the world. Whenever life got to be too much she wrapped herself in the soothing rhythm and let it take her somewhere else, somewhere far away. Somewhere where she still had her mom and dad, where she still had her baby sister, Camila. Somewhere beautiful and safe, where there were no guns and bullets never flew.

With renewed determination Natalia pulled on her shoes and straightened her blouse. If Baiano wanted her to take his drugs to the dealer in Morro dos Prazeres, that is exactly what she would do.

* * *

That was the night BOPE began their new mission to clean up the nearby favela for the Pope's visit to Rio.  _Operation Holiness_  was under way. One relentless assault after another they would rid the slum of the drug dealers, pimps and other scumbags to ensure the Pope a safe and quiet night at the Archbishop's house.

It was with a cat-like grace and agility that Captain Nascimento and his team moved through the shadows: quiet, fast, efficient. The scumbags never saw them coming. The dealer's lookout hadn't the chance to make so much as a peep before the Nascimento grabbed and secured him.

The BOPE team moved ahead to determine what they were up against. There were two men with guns guarding the terrace above. They signaled to their team leader and waited - nothing. Nascimento made no response.

"Captain?" Number Two whispered as he glanced back. "Captain?"

The word, although soft-spoken as not to garner the attention of the thugs only meters above them, caught Nascimento's attention, pulling him back to the present. The anxiety that had been creeping into his soul since he'd found out his wife was pregnant was reaching new levels. He had to get out. He needed to find a replacement. But in order to do that he had to stay alive and that meant focusing on the task at hand. It meant leading his team and getting through the mission.

As a BOPE officer anxiety and fear were emotions that were beyond dangerous. If Nascimento was going to do his job and keep his men safe then he'd have to push them aside. He'd need to be the man who he was trained to be: A cold, ruthless, killing machine.

Moving up to the rest of his team Nascimento gave the signal. Two of his men popped up and took the dealer's gunmen out with well-practiced ease. The team moved like a single organism, everyone working in perfect harmony with everyone else. BOPE was a well oiled machine - they had to be in order to survive in the favelas where the ordinary police dared not tread.

"Everything alright Captain?" Number Two asked as Nascimento signaled for his men to secure the perimeter. They had everyone where they wanted them. One of these scum bags was the dealer and they weren't leaving here without him.

"Yeah, fine," Nascimento nodded, although sweat beaded on his brow and tremors ripled through his hands.

A sharp movement caught the Captain's eye as a young woman tried to bolt. She didn't look like the usual drug runner, but they couldn't be too safe.

"Grab her!" Nascimento commanded. The woman had a good head start, but Number Two took off after her and he would catch her, of that the Captain had no doubt. A civilian was no match for a Skull. Even if the girl was one of the dealer's lackeys, she was still no match for BOPE.

Turning his attention back to the group his team had cornered, Captain Nascimento grabbed a young man from the frightened group cowering on the ground. While the police might be a joke here in the favelas, BOPE was another story. Their black uniforms, the knife through the skull logo, and their ruthless reputation all engendered fear and respect. These weren't guys to be messed with.

Nascimento dragged the frightened young man, barely more than a boy, over to the corpse of one of the gunmen. Roughly he shoved the boy's face in the pool of blood spreading out from the bullet wound. The gunman's body was still warm, the crimson liquid still wet and sticky against his skin.

"Who did this?" Nascimento demanded.

"I... I don't know..." The boy stammered in a trembling voice.

The Captain took a step back. "You don't know? I think you do. Who did this?" Nascimento demanded again, his tone more menacing.

"One of you..." The boy whimpered fearfully.

"One of us?" Nascimento spat furiously. "What the fuck? 'One of us'?" He shoved the boys face back towards the corpse. "You did this. You hear me? You did this. You finance this shit, you did this."

All the boy could do was whimper and snivel some more as Nascimento dragged him back towards the cowering group. "Now tell me, which one of you is the dealer?"

No one responded. No one dared look up to meet the eyes of the man in the black uniform. There was silence as they huddled together on the ground.

"Get me the lookout," Captain Nascimento commanded. His men obeyed. Holding a gun to the lookout's head he gave him one chance. "Tell me which one is the dealer."

The lookout pointed a trembling hand towards one of the men in the group. The kid knew full well that he was signing his own death sentence. Nascimento knew it too. Lookouts who squealed were executed - it was as simple as that. Still, Nascimento let him go. He had what he wanted, the kid's fate didn't concern him. If he was killed, rather when he was killed, it would be one less scumbag on the streets.

As far as the frightened boy was concerned it was better to squeal than to be beaten by the Skulls until he gave up the dealer in the end anyways. It was quicker, easier, more painless. Because that's what BOPE did and everyone in the favelas knew it. They came in guns blazing. They were harsh, cruel, unforgiving and if you didn't give them the information they wantd they would get it at any cost. Their logo, a knife through the skull with two guns crossed in the background spelled out exactly what they were all about. Everyone in the slums feared the Skulls.

It was then that Number Two returned with the young woman who had tried to bolt. He deposited her roughly on the concrete at his Captain's feet.

"I found this on her, Captain" Number Two informed Nascimento as he held up the package she'd been carrying. Jackpot. Not only did they have the small-time dealer from Morro dos Prazeres, they also had a link to his supplier: a bigger fish in the sea of problems that was Rio's slums.

When Captain Nascimento looked down at the woman trembling at his feet, he didn't see a pretty girl with wavy black hair. He didn't see a frightened young woman with tears filling her big brown eyes. All he saw was another scumbag enabling the drug trade to continue - just another useless waste of flesh adding to the problem that plagued his city.

Natalia could feel herself starting to hyperventilate as she stared at the Captain's black military issue boots, his feet planted in a wide and steady stance. The world closed in around her eyes trailed up his black uniform, past the handgun holstered at his side, to his arms crossed authoritively over his chest. Finally Natalia's eyes settled on the black beret atop his head and zoned in on the logo sewn proudly in place: the knife through the skull.

These men were Skulls, they were BOPE. Natalia's situation took a turn from bad to worse. There was a saying in the slums from which she was raised: "When BOPE came into the favelas, they shot first and asked questions later." These men weren't exactly disproving that stereotype.

Staring up at Nascimento's dark eyes, filled with nothing but anger and disgust, Natalia felt a fear incomparable to anything she had ever felt in her life. She could feel her body crumpling under his heavy gaze. The dangerous game that she was playing had just taken a turn towards deadly. If she talked Baiano would kill her. If she didn't then the Skulls probably would, only they'd torture her first. Either way she'd be dead and the men who murdered her family would never be brought to justice.

Natalia wasn't cut out for this. She wasn't brave. The shear weight of it threatened to overwhelm her and she was only vaguely aware as her vision narrowed and became peppered with spots. Staring up at the imposing figure of Captain Roberto Nascimento, the young woman blacked out.

* * *

__


	2. Part of the Problem

**Lyrics from Jewel's "Hands"**

Everything had come together better than the Skulls could have hoped. The first night of Operation Holiness was a success. They had taken out two gunmen, captured one of the dealers in Morro dos Prazeres, and found themselves a runner that could lead them to the bigger fish.

The world had been spinning for Captain Nascimento, but he had pushed the anxiety aside and let it fuel his anger for the dealers and scumbags that financed them. Now sitting in the relative quiet after the storm he snorted a chuckle of disbelief as he watched the young woman before him black out and lose consciousness... And he hadn't even touched her yet.

"Splash some water on her face," the Captain commanded, returning to his serious demeanor.

Everything was blurry and out of focus. Natalia's head swam like a bad hangover. A sickening feeling rose up from the pit of her stomach as her vision slowly returned. It had been real, not a dream. The black uniforms, the Skulls... It hadn't all been just some nightmare. It was happening, she realized, horrified, as she stared up at the stern face of one of BOPE's Captains.

Nascimento leaned forwards, down to where Natalia had been deposited on the concrete terrace. "Do you know who we are?" he asked.

This couldn't be happening, Natalia's mind screamed at her. This couldn't be happening. The voice inside her head was frenzied, drowning out the rest of the world. Panicked and disorientated she fumbled and reached for the straps of her bag. It was gone.

"Looking for this?" No. 02 asked as he held up the package she was supposed to have delivered.

Shit, Natalia thought. She had screwed up. Baiano was going to kill her for sure. Nervously she gulped, her eyes flicking from one man to the other. How was she going to explain what she was doing with so much cocaine?

Nascimento's face was only inches from her own. Natalia could feel his hot breath on her skin. "I asked: do you know who we are?" he repeated.

It was with great reluctance that Natalia nodded. Her eyes fell to the ground, unable to raise up to meet her captor's. Her throat constricted, it felt parched and scratchy as she tried to force out the words. "Everyone in the favelas knows the Skulls," she said, her voice cracking with fear.

"Good." Nascimento gave a satisfied nod. "Now I don't want to have to hurt you," he explained to her in a voice that was almost too calm.

"You know why no one trusts the police?" Natalia replied. "Because you are all liars. Every last one of you. You're just like the rest. You're all part of the problem."

"I am not lying to you. I don't want you to have to get hurt," Nascimento repeated, leaning in closer. It infuriated him to hear BOPE lumped in with the other cops - crooks and cowards. "Do you understand me?"

When BOPE came to the favelas they came to kill. These men, they were monsters. Everyone knew the stories. Shoot first, ask questions later. Had the sheer terror not taken over her mind completely Natalia would have seen irony in her situation. She might have felt lucky. Then again, maybe not. There were worse things than death.

The stress, the overwhelming fear, was too much. Natalia doubled over and retched, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the concrete.

"You almost puked on No. 04's boots," Nascimento commented drily. "That wouldn't be good to puke on No. 04's boots now would it?"

Reaching up Natalia wiped the vomit from her mouth with the back of her hand as she gave the Captain a timid shake of her head. Although empty, her stomach still threatened to turn inside out again. Inside her chest Natalia's heart raced, pounding furiously as if it desperately wanted to escape. She desperately needed to escape, she thought, her ears ringing as her breathing became erratic.

The world was closing in on her and fast. Panic stricken Natalia squeezed her eyes shut and gulped in several lungfuls of air. Still it felt as if she couldn't breathe. If she didn't calm down she was going to hyperventilate.

"Have mercy on me, God, in your kindness. In your compassion..." Natalia began to pray. No sooner had she started than were her words drowned out by the sound of mocking laughter. First Nascimento, then his team.

"You think God is going to help you?" Nascimento spat disgustedly. "You are a drug runner. You are scum. Nothing but a pathetic little punk... You think God is going to save you?" The young woman didn't respond, but her prayer had stopped. "Now," Nascimento told her firmly, "you're going to tell me who you are delivering this for and where I can find him."

"I can't..." Natalia replied in a weak, quivering voice.

The sharp sting took Natalia by surprise as Nascimento's hand struck her face. The force was hard and knocked her over to the ground. Gingerly she brought a hand up to her cheek, tracing with her fingertips the stinging mark that had been left there.

"I didn't want it to come to this. I didn't want to have to hurt you," the Captain told her.

With nothing more than a nod from their Captain, No. 02 and No. 04 grabbed Natalia under the arms and lifted her roughly from the terrace.

"Secure her arms and kneel her in front of me," Nascimento ordered his men.

Natalia opened her big, brown eyes and looked helplessly into her captor's. Nascimento's dark eyes seemed to bore into her soul, leaving an icy chill. There was no mercy to be found there, only anger and disgust... No, maybe there was something else, Natalia thought but couldn't name it. There was something else behind the sweat that covered his skin and a faint tremble in his gaze.

"Please..." Natalia begged trying to find connection with whatever might be human inside her captor, trying to connect with that faint hint. "I'm not a bad person."

Sympathy, mercy, pity... These were not good traits for a BOPE officer. Such softness, such moments of weakness could get in the way of completing a mission. And for a Skull, a mission given was a mission accomplished. There was no room for feeling sorry for these asshole dealers and the maggots that enabled them.

"I'm not a bad person... Please..." Natalia's voice echoed over and over.

She was a drug runner. She was scum no different than any of the others he had cleaned out of the slums. The woman kneeling before him was not a human being, Nascimento reminded himself, ignoring her pleas and cries just as he had been trained to do.

Though Nascimento struggled to hold his own overwhelming anxiety in check. The longer they were out here, the longer they were exposed, the greater the likelihood that the drug dealer's men would regroup and retaliate. He was not the only one aware of this fact.

"Captain?" No. 05 called his attention. In his arms was the struggling drug dealer that the lookout had given up. "Captain, for God's sake, we have what we came for. Let's just take this asshole back to the station."

"A moment, No. 05," Nascimento said in a calm that didn't match his emotional state.

It wouldn't take much now that the woman knew he meant business, Nascimento thought confidently, as he spread his feet apart in a wide, solid stance. His military issue boots planted firmly on the concrete. Calmly he rolled up the sleeves of his black BOPE uniform, revealing his powerful forearms.

Bile rose from the pit of Natalia's stomach leaving a foul and acidic taste in her mouth. She was sentenced to death if she talked. Worse than death, this man, he was asking her to give up two years of work towards avenging her family and any hope of ever getting close to the heart of the corruption again. If she gave in, then she would have failed her sister. Never would she be able to fulfill her promise to Camila.

"Who's drugs are those?" Nascimento demanded, his arms folded across his chest as he leaned in to her.

"I can't..."

Again Natalia felt the sharp sting of his hand as it struck her face. This time, though, No. 02 and No. 04 held the young woman up so she wouldn't fall over. They held her so that she would have to continue to face the man interrogating her.

"Who's drugs?"

Natalia whimpered as the Captain hit her again.

"Tell me!"

It was too much. She wasn't that brave, not really. She wasn't strong, not by any means. Natalia closed her eyes and envisioned her safe place with her family. A place where there were no guns and bullets never flew. A place where people were good and they didn't hurt each other. A warmth enveloped Natalia as her mother and father took her in their arms. Camila was there too, smiling and laughing with her. Quietly Natalia began to mouth the words of a song letting the gentle rhythm carry her further away:

 

_"If I could tell the world just one thing,_   
_It would be that we're all okay,_   
_And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful,_   
_And useless in times like these..."_

The woman's lips were moving but Captain Nascimento could not make out the words. this frustrated him. Wrapping his fists tightly in the thin fabric of her blouse he shook her roughly. "You got something you want to say to me? Speak up!"

 

_"I won't be made useless,_   
_I won't be idle with despair,_   
_I'll gather myself around my faith,_   
_For light does the darkness most fear..."_

No. 04 took a step forward. "She's singing, sir."

"I can hear that," Nascimento replied bitterly. "You don't fucking sing," he growled at her. "You hear me, you don't fucking sing. Tell me who's drugs these are! Tell me now!"

 

_"Someone must stand up for what's right,_   
_'Cause where there's a man who has no voice,_   
_There are shadows still..."_

Natalia continued to sing in a quiet whimper. There were tears in her eyes. In her mind she was with her family. In her mind people were good. They didn't kill... They didn't torture... They didn't allow the corruption and abuse of power to go on. There was still hope.

Something in the raw honesty of the woman's voice sent a chill down Nascimento's spine. For the briefest moment a pang of remorse struck a chord in his chest. Quickly as it had come he pushed that feeling aside. As a BOPE officer it was too dangerous of a feeling, especially in the field.

 

_"In the end only kindness matters,_   
_In the end only kindness matters,_   
_I will get down on my knees and I will pray..."_

"Enough!" Nascimento roared trying to stifle any of his own lingering feelings of guilt. He struck her hard across the face, "You think this is a joke? You think that we're a joke?"

It was with the copper taste of blood in her mouth that Natalia returned to the harsh reality. The warmth and safety of her parent's arms nothing more than a fading memory. Camila's smile and laughter disappeared. Choking back the blood Natalia let out a little sob.

"No, sir."

Something caught the Captain's eye as the frightened woman shook her head. A faint glistening of dim light on metal. Nascimento reached down and pulled the bronze cross from where it had laid hidden away under Natalia's blouse.

"What's this?" Nascimento demanded, jerking the chain and tearing it away from her neck.

"No!" Natalia yelped, her eyes widening in horror. "Please not that, it was my sister's..."

Nascimento turned the bronze cross over slowly in his hands, examining it. "Tell me who gave you that package," he repeated cooly.

Natalia dropped her head. As defeated as she felt she had no choice. Someone had to bring her family's murderers to justice. The weight of the world bearing down on her, Natalia shook her head slowly from side to side and tried to slip back into her safe place. She tried to close her eyes and picture Camila's innocent face. Instead all she saw was the Captain's stern eyes boring into her soul and her baby sister's bullet ridden body.

"Captain?" It was No. 05 again. "Captain, perhaps we should just go. We have what we came for."

Stuffing the cross absent-mindedly into his pocket, Nascimento relented. There was no need to persist in keeping himself and his team in danger. "Okay," he said finally. "Okay."

"Sir, what shall we do with her?" No. 02 asked, gesturing to the woman trembling at their feet.

"Put her on the Pope's tab," Nascimento said without emotion.

"Yes sir," No. 02 replied. Drawing his sidearm he aimed it between her eyes and removed the safety.

"Wait." Nascimento's voice stilled No. 02's finger that was already gently squeezing back on the trigger. That pang of guilt had returned. Damn that woman. Still, this was nothing more than an execution, and somehow she had made him feel bad for that. Although ultimately it probably would have been more merciful than what he was about to do.

"Captain? Sir?" No. 02 waited expectantly for an order.

"Cut her loose," Nascimento ordered his team on second thought.

It was a moment of weakness in which he could not be the one to make that order. It was time to get out, he was going soft. Eventually, though, she would have to face whoever had sent her and explain what happened to his drugs. It served her right. She was part of the problem, Nascimento told himself.

* * *

Returning home to his modest apartment Roberto Nascimento found his wife, Rosane, sitting on the sofa waiting for him. No sooner had he opened the door and stepped inside was she on her feet to greet him.

"Did you talk to your commander?" Rosane pushed. God, she always had to be on his case.

Trying to ignore her Roberto pushed past his wife towards the washroom. He just wanted to get cleaned up and changed out of the black BOPE uniform. He wanted to be Roberto, not Captain Nascimento. What he needed was to sit and relax, to put the day behind him.

"Beto?" Rosane insisted, trailing behind her husband as he made his way through the apartment.

"Honey, I told you they will replace me as soon as they can," Roberto assured her. There was clear irritation in his voice. He hated it when she told him what to do. "Right now they need me for this operation."

"But Beto!" Rosane pleaded, "Can't someone else lead this operation. You are not the only Captain, you know. Don't they know you're baby is soon to be born. Beto, we need you here!"

It wasn't as she made it out. It wasn't that he didn't want to be there for his wife and child. There was nothing the man wanted more, nothing that frightened him more than the thought that something might happen to him and that his family would be left alone. It just wasn't that simple. Before he could leave he needed to know that someone worthy would be replacing him leading his team. These men, he owed them his life a hundred times over. They had been through all sorts of shit together.

As Roberto entered the washroom and closed the door firmly behind him, he could hear his wife call out again, "Beto!"

Roberto Nascimento stood over the sink facing the mirror. In the reflection he saw a worn down man. Sweat once again slicked his skin. The fear, the anxiety, had led him to put his men at risk. He hadn't been fully there and then he had acted impulsively. That was unacceptable, it was dangerous. His hands began shaking violently. Glancing down at them he saw traces of dried blood hiding between his fingers and in the wrinkles over his knuckles. The sight brought back flashes of the night: frightened faces, terrified pleas, his own calloused voice. He saw the young boy... the lookout... the trembling, black-haired girl.

_"You're just like the rest..."_ the girl's voice accused him.

Roberto turned the water on as hot as it would go. He was not like the rest. BOPE was incorruptable. Maybe to her they seemed like monsters, but in the slums it was war. He did what he had to do. But she had not been a threat. He almost had her executed in cold blood, he realized, as he scrubbed vigorously at his hands. That pang of guilt returned as he watched the water in the sink turn a shade of pink as he washed the blood away. Some of it was her blood, he knew.

"My God, Beto!" His wife gasped in shock. "Beto, what have you done?"

Roberto hadn't heard Rosane open the door. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts, his own tortured memories, that he hadn't realized she had followed him.

"What have you done?" Rosane was shouting at him now as she pushed him away from her. "My God, Beto! You will have a son soon, what will you tell him when he asks what you do for a living?"

The words cut deeply. Truth had a way of hurting in ways that nothing else could. Roberto turned and reached out to his wife, a pained and helpless expression on his face.

"Honey, please calm down," Roberto begged her. "It's not what you think."

Rosane swatted her husband away again. "And what do I think, Beto?" she asked him. Her voice was desperate for him to provide her with some explanation, but the woman wasn't stupid. She knew.

"Please..." Roberto held a hand out to her.

Rosane shook her head disapprovingly at him as she stepped away. "This," she gestured to him, to the uniform he wore. "This needs to stop, Beto. You need to get out. What will you tell your son when he asks why you hurt people? What will you tell him when he asks why you kill people for your job?"

There was nothing Roberto Nascimento could say. Taking a step back, he leaned against the wall and let himself sink to the floor. He cried, wanting for his wife to hold him. Instead she stood there with that look in her eyes as if he were a monster instead of her husband... And it hurt.


	3. Somebody's Son, Somebody's Daughter

It stood there, formidable like a fortress. Baiano's base of operations. Technically just one more building in the slum, no different than the thousands of others. However, as Natalia stood there looking upon it, it might as well have been a castle, guarded by a legion of armed knights. And she, well she might as well be carrying the enemy's flag.

One deep breath. Two. Three. Natalia gathered her nerves, but it was still it was with great trepidation that she approached. With every step she took came hesitation. Every pound of her small frame felt like a heavy stone weighing her down. Her knees trembled and threatened to buckle underneath her. 

All Natalia had to do was turn and run away. If she got far enough, if she ran and didn't look back, maybe he'd never find her. Maybe she could disappear and start over somewhere else.

Except this wasn't about her. It had never been about her. Natalia had put so much work into this, into finding justice for her family. Two years she had been getting herself as close to the corruption to gather evidence against the crooked cops that had murdered her family. There was no way she could give up now. 

With that thought Natalia walked through the doors, essentially throwing herself to the lions. Faced with the drug dealer and his men she braced herself to get torn apart. After what had gone down, those men would be out for blood. She could see it in their wide, wild eyes. 

"You got a lotta balls coming back here," Baiano told her.

The dealer's eyes were bigger than anyones. They were like giant, dark saucers. High as a kite, Natalia thought, her stomach churning. Given that he had his handgun out and was waving it inches from her face, that was a sickening thought. Had he been straight she would have been terrified. Fat chance that would have been. Him having been using had her ten degrees past scared shitless in the current circumstances.

"Baiano, I'm sorry," Natalia pleaded. If she was lucky, maybe he was too fucked up to have remembered to load it.

"Sorry doesn't pay for the merchandise you lost."

"I didn't lose it," Natalia tried to clarify.

"Didn't lose it?" Baiano cocked his head to the side and somehow his eyes seemed to open even wider. "Where is it then?" 

"Well it's not like I just fucking dropped it!" Natalia exclaimed exasperated. "It was the fucking Skulls. What was I supposed to do? Look at me!" She gestured dramatically to the swollen bruises on her delicate skin. "Look at what they did to me!"

The wheels seemed to be turning somewhere in the dealer's frazzled brain. Baiano stood there a moment contemplating. His pupils were dilated and his gun was frozen mid air. If it wasn't for the fact that he had a soft spot for the woman, Natalia would have been dead as soon as she'd walked through the door. Natalia knew this and used it to her advantage, looking vulnerably up into his eyes, her own pleading.

Baiano waited a long moment before wagging his hand gun in front of her face as he spoke. "You gonna make it up to me, you know that."

The tangled web in which Natalia had found herself after the death of her family tightened. The snare was firmly around her neck. For better or worse she was trapped in this life until her mission was complete. She hated it, but she felt helpless. There was no other way. She'd tried them all.

Reluctantly Natalia dropped her head and accepted her fate. "I know," she muttered. "I know."

* * *

  
Things hardly felt as dire to Captain Nascimento back at BOPE headquarters. He sat at his desk, scattered about with papers. The fluorescent lighting above flickered that cold, uninviting white light down on him. Normally this was the part of his job that he hated most. Normally he'd rather be out there on the streets actually doing some good. 

That was before Rosane had gotten pregnant. That had changed everything. Ever since then this paralyzing anxiety had been creeping up on him. The fear that he would die on the job, shot by some scumbag drug dealer, and leave his wife and child on their own. 

A woman walked timidly up to his desk, her hair tied back behind her head. Even dressed much less intimidatingly in the more casual black BOPE t-shirt, he was enough to strike fear into others. The reputation of the Skulls, their logo seen proudly over his chest, was more than enough to make him difficult to approach. But here she was, sitting down in front of him.

Captain Nascimento glanced up from his paperwork and stared at her with a slightly puzzled expression on his face. The woman was unfamiliar to him. He had no idea who she was.

"Captain Nascimento, right?" The woman asked. Her discomfort was easily visible. "Were you in charge of the last operation in the favela?"

"It was me" Nascimento replied honestly.

What she had to say was't easy. The woman wrung her hands nervously in front of her. "Well sir, I... Uh... I came here to... To ask for the right to bury my son..."

Nascimento took a deep breathe before venturing to tackle to issue. "Miss... Your son, he was part of the drug trade?" he asked her softly.

Tearfully the young mother nodded. "Yes... He... he was a lookout."

"We didn't kill your son," Nascimento assured her.

"But you let him go didn't you?" she replied. "Did you think they would forgive him?"

Guilt. That's what the young mother made him feel. Letting the kid go or killing the boy himself, either way that lookout was dead. Dealers killed those who squealed. Nascimento swallowed and tried to push the feeling back. Although he knew that the woman was right, guilt was a forbidden feeling for an officer in BOPE. Guilt made you make bad decisions. Decisions that could make you hesitate and get your team killed. Guilt was dangerous.

Nascimento blinked and struggled to hold it together until the woman left. So many thoughts and images were jumbled in his head. So many memories struggling to the surface. So many fears clawing their way out of the recesses of his mind. That night in the favela. The student he had beaten. The lookout. His unborn son. Fighting with Rosane over his job. The girl with the big, frightened brown eyes. They whirled around, threatening to drown him in his own thoughts.

Slamming his fists down on his desk with a loud thud Nascimento brought himself back to the present. He also brought the unwanted attention of his coworkers.

"Everything alright, sir?" a concerned voice asked.

"Fine," Nascimento assured him. "It's fine."

Except it wasn't fine. He was losing it. He was going soft. Nascimento tried as hard as he could to put it all away in a little box at the back of his mind. He tried to shut the Iid, to lock it and throw away the key. But every time he thought of that mother, he thought of his own son and how devastating it would be not only to lose him, but not to be able to bury the body and say goodbye. That would be the worst.

The lookout's body was out there somewhere. It was laying under the hot sun, dumped in some back alley of the favela. A reminder to the others to remember their place and to keep their mouths shut. But for one woman that was just her little boy, her baby.  
The girl's body was probably out there too, Nascimento thought. Another dead body because of him. When he'd told his men to cut her loose, he knew that the drug dealer wouldn't treat her kindly after losing his drugs. He hadn't cared. He had knowingly sentenced her to a likely death and he hadn't cared. 

Some might call him a monster. Maybe it was a title he deserved. But if he was a monster, it was because that was what he needed to be. In Rio de Janeiro thy were at war, because make no mistake about it, this was indeed a war. The drug dealers and their men were well armed and ready to kill and the only way to stop them was to kill them first. Someone needed to take them off the streets, and that was where BOPE came in.

Right now though Captain Nascimento had other things on his mind. There was something else he could do. Something that would ease the guilt that had been eating at him since that mother had come in to speak with him. He was going to go back and find that lookout's body and he was going to bring it back. That was the least he could do. He could go back so that mother might bury her son and find closure.

There was one other body out there that he could look for too. The black-haired girl. No one had come to the station asking to bury her, but that didn't mean she wasn't somebody's daughter. Opening his desk drawer he frowned at the bronze cross crumpled on the bottom where he'd tossed it. The girl had said it had been her sister's. Yes, she was somebody's daughter. She had cared about people and had had people that cared about her. If he could, Nascimento would carry out her body too.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Two Different Worlds

Lyrics from Relient K's "Softer to Me"

 

Things hadn't always been this way. It had been different. The drugs, the corruption, the violence... They had still been there. Those things had been there for as long as Natalia could remember, probably long before her time. But life in the favela where she had grown up hadn't always been bad. It hadn't always been filled with the despair that she felt now. It had been a place filled with love and laughter, with hope for a better future. Life had been good once. 

 

The favela where Natalia and her baby sister, Camila, we're raised had been something more. It had been more than just the slum people saw it as from the outside. When people thought of the favela they thought of the drug dealers and violence, but it was so much more than that. The favela was its own world with its own rules, filled with strong, brilliant people struggling for a better life for their families, much like Natalia's own had been once upon a time. 

 

The favela, the slums, it had been home. Natalia had had her family, her community, her life. Her and Camila had played and laughed and dreamed. Their mother and father had loved them and protected them. There had always been a safe place to run away from the hurt and scariness of the world into their warm arms. Now what did she have? Nothing. Drug dealers and thugs. That was Natalia's world now and it was swallowing her whole. 

 

Stress. Anxiety. Guilt. These were the emotions that were threatening to swallow Nascimento whole. His world was changing too and it was beginning to overwhelm him. Rosane was pregnant and he would soon be a father. His wife had made it abundantly clear that she wanted him to leave BOPE and find a more suitable job to support his family. Yes, Nascimento's life was changing too. In good ways, he told himself, but it didn't always feel that way and that scared him.

 

To say that Nascimento had never been afraid would be a lie. However, it had always been an emotion which he could compartmentalize away in some small corner of his brain. It was a skill that allowed him to carry on with the mission and do his job. But now? It wasn't just his life anymore. He would have his family depending on him. That changed things, and his wife took every opportunity she got to remind him of that. The stress and anxiety of it that had been spilling over into his life and job for some time was getting worse.

In the past Nascimento had always felt he knew the right thing to do. The choices he made during operations weren't something he questioned or doubted. People died. Sometimes he was responsible for their deaths. That was part of the job. As long as the bodies belonged to the addicts and drug dealers and not his men in black, Nascimento hadn't had a problem with it. It hadn't been an issue until the mother of the lookout had came into BOPE headquarters. Tearfully she had asked for the right to bury her son and made Nascimento think of his own child about to be born. That mother had made him feel guilty... Made him doubt.

 

Troubled by his conscience, Captain Nascimento called his team to get ready to go back into the favela to return the bodies left in the wake of his last operation. It was nothing more than a bid to ease his own guilt. The thought of what it would be like not being able to bury his own child was too much for him to bear, so he went back out to search for the lookout and the girl with the black hair, not knowing she was still alive. Not knowing that their story was far from over. Not knowing that their paths would continue to cross and he would be forced to make a decision that challenged his prejudices and changed his life.

 

Natalia may have still been alive, but she closed her eyes and wished she was dead. She wished that Baiano had put a bullet in her when she had returned without his drugs. It would have been so much easier.

 

"You gonna make this up to me, you know that."

 

If Natalia had known that she'd, well... if she'd known what Baiano had meant she might have just pulled the trigger herself. Because while Captain Nascimento and his team were interrogating some other poor kid for the location of the lookout's body, Natalia was choking back tears and trying to scrub the smell of Baiano's loser friends off her skin. 

 

Too long. Too long had Natalia been wrapped up in this lifestyle. Too long had she been putting herself at risk. Too long had she taken for granted the soft spot that the drug dealer had for her. Apparently even Baiano's favor had its limits. While it may have saved her life, Natalia no longer had the same protection she'd once enjoyed. As long as she stayed in the favela her life was going to get worse. A lot worse. As it would turn out, Nascimento wasn't the only one trapped until he could finish what he'd started.  
Natalia needed to gather the evidence against the cops that had murdered her family and get the hell out.

 

"Nat!" 

 

Natalia squeezed her eyes shut at the sound of Sergio's voice. "Yeah?" she hollered back wishing that instead she could just crawl under something and disappear.

 

"Where ya at? I got a package for you!"

 

Yeah, Natalia really wished she could just disappear. Another errand; more drugs. She was sure of it. Baiano was punishing her for her screwup. He knew she didn't want to run drugs, and for two years he had never asked her to. Although she supposed it was better than him asking her to entertain his friends.

 

"What is it?" Natalia asked. She turned on cue to face him as she saw Sergio's shadow cross the floor. At least it wasn't Marco, she thought. Thank God for small favors.

 

Sergio shoved the package at the slight girl. "What do you think?"

 

Okay, so it was a stupid question. Natalia knew exactly what the package was. "Where does he want me to take it?" she asked in a resigned voice. 

 

"There's a party in Babilônia," Sergio told her.

 

Natalia's eyes shot up in surprise. Babilônia was outside of their usual operations.

 

Sergio could read the girl's expression. "There's a demand that's not being met. Baiano wants to expand."

 

Natalia nodded, clutching the package close to her chest as she watched Sergio walk away. Damn Baiano. Damn herself for getting into this in the first place.

 

"Oh and Nat," Sergio stopped in the doorway and turned back to the girl. "Don't screw this one up."

 

Nascimento ended the phone call that had interrupted his interrogation. Looking back he saw the boy still kneeling on the hard ground, his face slick with blood and tears. Nascimento felt no pity and no regret for what he and his men had done. These kids... Ask any one of them and they probably had some sob story. The thing was, in the end, it was still their choice. And as far as Nascimento was concerned all their stories would end the same. Though he meant well he was failing at making things right. Nascimento was just trading one body for another to try and ease the pain in his head. 

 

Natalia burst into tears as soon as Baiano's lackey was out of earshot. Even if she could, by some miracle from God, find the justice she was seeking she had no idea what to do next. As far as she could see there was no easy way out of the mess she'd created. No way at all that she could see now that she was tangled up with the wrong people. 

 

How many people, Natalia wondered, ended up in the drug trade with good intentions? Maybe not so many were seeking justice in the way that she was, but certainly there were some seeking revenge and calling it justice. There were many trying to make a quick buck. Many just trying to put food on the table and make life better for themselves and their families. 

 

Never before had Natalia realized how easy it was to fall from grace. Never before had she realized how innocently it could all start and she was afraid her story would end like so many others. She was afraid that she would continue to spiral down until she forgot where she came from and why she was doing what she was doing until one day she died. An execution; an example to be made; a conflict with the police; a stray bullet. It didn't matter how it happened. When you get yourself mixed up in the drug trade eventually you turn up dead... one way or another.

 

Every day for the last two years Natalia had told herself that everything she was doing she was doing for her family, for Camila. When Baiano had asked her to do things for him, little things, she hadn't given it much thought. It hadn't ever been anything important and Natalia had written it off 'for the greater good.' Now she wasn't just running errands; she was running drugs... She was entertaining Baiano's friends. It wasn't just because she owed him for losing his drugs. No, it had started long before that happened. It had started the first time that Natalia had agreed to some menial little task she'd long since forgotten. And now she was afraid that she'd never get out.

 

Now here she was, running Baiano's drugs once more. Natalia felt panic rising up in her as she stared at the package she held in her hands. 

 

"Oh and Nat... don't screw this one up." 

 

Sergio's voice played over and over in her head like a broken record. The pressure was becoming too much to bear. Natalia squeezed her eyes shut and began to hum. It was easier to run away to her safe place inside her head than to face the truth of her situation. 

 

"Life, could you be a little softer to me?

Life, could you be more gentle to me?

Yeah I know this is a selfish plea,

Because Christ sacrificed

His flesh on the cross for me.

But this world is hard, 

It's cruel and I wish it would be...

Softer to me."

 

Nascimento, too, had almost given up hope of ever getting out. If the tangled life she'd woven with drug dealers was Natalia's cage, BOPE was Nascimento's. Each time he talked to his superiors about finding a replacement they told him it would have to wait. The timing was never right. There was always something that needed to be wrapped up first. Just like Natalia there was always something holding him back from simply walking away.

 

While Natalia wiped away her tears and prepared to run Baiano's errand, Nascimento shoved his cellphone back into his pocket. The lookout's mother would have to grieve her son without a body. If the girl with the wavy black hair had any family, they too would have to mourn their loss without that closure. Word had come down from Nascimento's superiors. Shit was going down in Babilônia. It appeared that the police had bitten off more than they could chew, and now it was up to BOPE to go in and rescue them.

 

"What shall we do with him, Captain?" No. 2 asked after Nascimento was off the phone. He gestured to the trembling boy kneeling bloodied on the ground in front of him.

 

"Put him on the Pope's tab," Nascimento said with a cold lack of pity. 

 

As the gunshot rang out through the favela, Nascimento didn't even flinch. One more body added to the count. If the detainee had known where the lookout's body was, he would have talked. Nascimento was sure of that. Since the boy didn't know and the BOPE team was needed elsewhere this was easier. Besides, he reminded himself, you can't feel bad for these scumbags. They brought it upon themselves. They all fed into and enabled the problem of drugs in the favelas to continue.

 

"C'mon," Captain Nascimento gathered his men. "We're needed in Babilônia."

 

Sweat poured down Natalia's face as she wove her way through the streets of Babilônia towards the street party. Every corner she found herself waiting to turn and see a gun pointed at her, or the black uniform of the Skulls. The fear tightened in her chest making it hard to breathe. She wasn't cut out for this. Not in the least, she told herself.

 

"Just get in and get out." Natalia whispered to herself trying to maintain some sense of calm. Now wasn't the time to go dissociating, no matter how stressed she was. She needed to get the handoff for Baiano's drugs first.

 

In the distance Natalia could hear the muted sounds of music. It wouldn't be long now. Except that wasn't laughter that she heard, she realized. A sickening dread was forming a lump in the pit of her stomach. That was screaming... And gunshots.

 

Bravery wasn't one of Natalia's strong suits. At the sound of gunfire the girl ducked into the first doorway she could find. The shack was vacant. It's occupants were probably at the street party caught in the crossfire of whatever was going down, Natalia thought. She wasn't about to get caught in anything this time. Too many gunshots. This was more than the police could handle and they would be calling in BOPE, if they hadn't already. Natalia did not want to be there when they arrived. So she hid, curled up into a ball on the floor in the closet of some stranger's house and waited for the shooting to stop.

 

"Oh and Nat... Don't screw this one up." 

 

Natalia could taste the bile rise up in the back of her throat as her stomach contents threatened to make an unwelcome reappearance. Baiano was not going to be happy.

 

The world was definitely a hard and cruel place. The fire fight that had broken out in Babilônia wasn't a unique situation. This sort of thing happened regularly enough whenever the balance got tipped between the police's corruption and the thug's guns. And it was often the ordinary residents of the favela that got caught in the crossfire.

 

The first gunshots that had upset the balance this time had come from the gun of one of two rookies. Neto and Matias had come to the favela trying to do the right thing. Neto had been a little trigger happy. Now they were trapped, pinned down and waiting for BOPE to come in and save their asses.

 

While Natalia was hiding away in the stranger's closet, the man she'd learned to fear the black uniforms from was a mere stone's throw away. Captain Nascimento stepped out of the armored vehicle with the skull logo on the side. Confidently he began shouting orders. The earlier mission was pushed out of his mind as he set his focus on the current situation. He was made for this sort of urban warfare.

 

"No one goes in," Nascimento told the regular police force that were standing in waiting. "No one goes in." 

 

No one argued because no one really wanted to go in. They'd just as soon let the Skulls handle it than risk their own lives. That would one of the things that separated the two rookies from the other blue uniforms in Nascimento's mind when Neto and Matias later applied for BOPE. They'd been willing to risk their lives to do the right thing. They had gone in against the odds. They had heart. 

 

While she may not be brave, Natalia, too, had heart. She had loyalty and patience. Most people would have given up, but here she was, hiding out in the middle of a firefight because she refused to give up her cover. The promise that she had made to her sister, finding justice for her family, ending the corruption these things were all more important to her. For two years she had put everything else aside for this purpose. She had infiltrated the Red Command and started taking notes on the dirty cops that dealt with them. Some of the same cops involved in her family's murder. Yes, it took heart to stick through everything that Natalia had over the last two years. It would take a lot more to stick through the coming months.

 

The gunfire had stopped. Still Natalia waited knowing it would be some time before everything was settled and BOPE rolled out of Babilônia. Then she heard the back door of the shack slam open, followed by voices. The occupants of the home had returned. Maybe that meant everything was over and it was safe to go out. Either way, Natalia had to move before they got to the room she was in. With the amount of drugs she was carrying on her she'd rather not be discovered.

 

"Why do you hate me, God?" Natalia pleaded knowing she had to move but paralyzed by her fear to leave the safety of the closet. "Why does this always happen to me?" Then she laughed. It was a choked back, frightened laugh. There was bitterness in it. "Okay, so I guess asking you for help when I'm running drugs makes me a hypocrite," Natalia admitted. "But God, I could really use some help here. Please."

 

Natalia bit her lip and turned her eyes heavenward. She found herself staring up at the dark ceiling of a stranger's closet waiting for an answer to her prayer that wouldn't come. There was no voice of God telling her what to do. There was only the voices of the returning residents. It would seem she was on her own. So she took a deep breath and made a break for the door.

 

The cool night air was a relief. Natalia gulped it in in nearly hyperventilating gasps. It had been stuffy trapped in the closet with her own sweat and fear. Nervously she pulled out the package she had not had the chance to deliver and clutched it to her chest. She needed to get it back to Baiano. There was nothing else that she could do given the circumstances.

 

Satisfied that she had not lost the goods, Natalia returned the drugs to her pack and feebly attempted to straighten herself out before heading off at a trot. It was no good. She was a mess. 

 

Turning the first corner Natalia came to a dead stop. Suddenly she found herself unable to swallow. She was staring straight at the entire BOPE team that had been sent into Babilônia that night. He was there. The man that had interrogated her the first time Baiano had asked her to run his drugs. Never in all of her life would she forget his face and it chilled her to the bone.

 

"Hey!" a voice called. Natalia had been spotted. The man in the black uniform was not someone that she recognized. 

 

Every instinct told her to run, but Natalia knew if she did it would only give BOPE a reason to shoot her. So she stared at the ground and kept walking, pretending that she hadn't heard him.

 

"Hey!" the man called out again.

 

Reluctantly Natalia looked up. Her heart was pounding so hard it felt it might burst from her chest. He was walking towards her now. The black beret on his head donned BOPE's logo: the knife through the skull. It was intimidating as hell.

 

"You should get inside," the man warned her. "It's not safe out here tonight."

 

Natalia forced herself to smile and nod. Beneath her her knees buckled and threatened to give out on her. It had been a close call. Much too close.

 

"Thanks. I will," Natalia told him. Her voice quivered ever so slightly, but the man in black seemed not to notice. Shaken, Natalia carried on.

 

Nascimento was standing around in the middle of the street with the members of his team. The roads were blocked off by the armored vehicles. BOPE was just wrapping things up. Once the formalities were finished with Nascimento could go to the hospital where his wife was giving birth to their son. He was going to be a father. The thought sent his heart for a loop and made it difficult to stay focused.

 

Looking up from the conversation he was engaged in, Nascimento caught a glimpse of movement. Straining his neck he tried to see around the other BOPE officer walking back toward him from down the street.

 

"Everything alright?" No. 3 asked unsure of what his Captain was searching for in the dark of night.

 

Nascimento blinked and shook his head. "Fine," he muttered. "I just thought I saw someone I recognized, but it couldn't have been."

 

"Why is that?" No. 3 prodded.

 

Tearing his eyes away from the corner he thought he'd seen the black-haired girl disappear, Nascimento turned to face No. 3. "Because she should be dead."

 

Natalia slipped quietly around the corner and with a sigh of relief she disappeared into the shadows. Those men, now that the bodies were piled high, would return to their homes. They would leave the favela and return to the comfort of their homes and the arms of their families. But this was Natalia's world. She didn't get to go home at the end of the day. This was home.

 

The world Natalia lived in may have been very different from the one Nascimento returned to. From the outside the two may have easily appeared polar opposites, but in their hearts they weren't so different. Each wanted to see an end to the corruption that ran rampant through the city. Each had heart, willing to go above and beyond what most would to do what they believed was right. Their actions may not always be clean, but their intents were noble. It would take a lot for either of them to be able to see past their perception of the other. It would take a lot for either of them to realize the other wasn't the evil they painted them out to be.


	5. Falls Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics from Thousand Foot Krutch's "Favorite Disease"

The night had been a disaster. From the failed mission to recover the lookout's body to the gong-show they walked into at Babilônia. But, as soon as Roberto Nascimento walked through the big swinging doors to the hospital it was all forgotten. Every other thought was pushed from his mind as he made his way to the maternity ward. Only one thing remained: he was a father; his son was born.

The second that Nascimento laid eyes on his baby boy he was in love. It was an overwhelming, warm feeling that washed over his entire soul as he picked him up and held him for the first time. That tiny, pink little creature resting in the crook of his arm was his son. His son. He had only just met him, but already he would do anything for him. He'd cross continents, move mountains, go to the end of the world. Anything.

Rosane watched with a tired smile as her husband paced back and forth with their newborn son tucked safely against his chest. He hadn't stopped staring at the baby. It was as if he were transfixed. Mesmerized. It warmed her heart once more to the man she'd grown so far apart from in the preceding months. Things would be better now, she thought as her eyes began to droop.

"Rafael," Nascimento said suddenly, out of the blue.

Rosane lifted her head from the pillow on the hospital bed. "Hmm?"

"I think we should name him Rafael," Nascimento repeated. All the while he continued to stare with awe at his beautiful baby boy, unable to tear his eyes away to look up at his wife.

"Rafael..." Rosane repeated the name, letting it roll dreamily off her tongue. "I like it. Yes we shall call him that," she agreed. "Our little Rafa."

A gentle tapping sound echoed into the room from outside the door. A plump, homely looking nurse poked her head into the room. A warm, motherly smile lit up her face as she greeted the new family.

"Excuse me," the nurse said as she stepped through the doorway into the room.

Nascimento and Rosane both paused and looked up at the friendly woman. It was clear she loved her job and felt right at home on the maternity ward. This was what she had been doing for a long, long time, and would continue to do until she retired.

"It's time," the nurse said with an almost apologetic tone.

"Time?" Nascimento repeated, clutching his son a little closer to his chest.

The nurse nodded sympathetically. "I will take your son to the nursery now," she explained slowly. "There we will measure and weigh him. We will do some basic tests to make sure he is a happy, healthy boy."

This alarmed Nascimento who was unprepared to part with his son. Unprepared to hand him off to some stranger no matter how friendly she appeared. He cast a concerned glance at his wife who was still resting in the hospital bed.

"We will give him some vitamin K and some antibiotic eye drops," the nurse continued in a soft tone that conveyed her understanding of the parent's anxiety at being separated from their child. "Then we will bathe him and bring him back to you," she explained.

Nascimento's eye lids flickered as he watched the nurse waiting patiently for him to hand her his son. As he swallowed hard and looked longingly at his baby boy he struggled with the thought of handing him over.

"It's alright, Beto," Rosane assured him. "It's all routine. They do this with all the babies."

The moment dragged on while Nascimento thought it over. Finally he nodded, his eyes blinking rapidly, as he reluctantly handed his son over to the heavyset nurse that would be taking him to the nursery.

Very carefully, and very gently the nurse affixed a small plastic bracelet around the baby's tiny, little wrist. Rosane already wore one with the matching information around her own.

Before she left the room, the nurse turned to the new parents and asked cheerily, "Have you picked out a name yet?"

Rosane and Roberto Nascimento turned and smiled to each other. "Rafa," Rosane said proudly. "His name is Rafael."

* * *

  
_"Wanting, watching, debating,_   
_On which way to run to._   
_Haunted, voices, craving,_   
_Someone to run to._   


  
_I haven't lost myself in a long time._   
_I never tried to care when I wanted to._   
_I just wanna be part of something._   
_I just wanna be real like you._   


  
_Sometimes, I feel like a monster,_   
_And times, I feel like a saint._   
_I'm on my knees,_   
_You're my favorite disease."_   


Once again Natalia found herself standing outside the complex of shoddily built buildings that was the headquarters of the Red Command. Inside Baiano and his lackeys would be waiting for her. By now they had probably heard that things had gone sideways in Babilônia. Why was it whenever things went sideways she seemed to get stuck in the middle of it?

As Natalia had expected, Sergio was waiting to greet her when she walked through the door holding the package of drugs in her hands. "Jesus Christ Nat!" he exclaimed. "I thought I told you not to mess this one up?"

"Right!" Natalia snapped bitterly as she slammed the package down hard on the "Because it's my fault those assholes in Babilônia got into a fire fight with the police. Because it's my fault that BOPE got called in." As she ranted her voice started to become frantic. "The hell Sergio? I'm not cut out for this shit!"

Sergio raised an eyebrow and studied the specimen leaning over the table across from him. Natalia was a mess. Her big, brown doe-eyes were puffy and red. Salty tracks ran down her cheeks where she had been crying. Her black hair was plastered in thick strands to the side of her face with sweat and tears. Pathetic.

"I'm not!" Natalia repeated seriously. "Look, if Baiano wants someone to run his drugs, he's going to have to find someone else," she told Sergio. "I can't do this. I'm done!"

"Is that so?" Came another voice from behind her. It sent chills down Natalia's spine.

"Baiano!"

Natalia spun around to see the crazy-eyed drug dealer standing there with a wild, unpredictable expression on his face. His arms were folded across his chest, one hand was tucked into the opposite armpit, the other held loosely to his handgun. As Baiano unfolded his arms and moved in circling her, Natalia swallowed reflexively.

Baiano leaned in so close that Natalia could smell the stink of his breath. "In case you've forgotten," he reminded the frightened girl. "You owe me. You're done when I say you're done. You get me?"

Inside her chest Natalia's heart pounded until she could hear the blood rushing through her ears. Her stomach was tying itself in knots until she was sure she was going to throw up. She was helpless. Trapped. Afraid. Choking back the tears that threatened to fall, Natalia nodded.

"I didn't hear you," Baiano sneered. His dark, dilated eyes seemed to widen even further, well beyond what looked natural, as he stared at Natalia. He waited knowing his power over her. He owned her.

This was how easy it was to fall from grace, Natalia thought sorrowfully. This was how easy it was to get tangled up in the drug trade.

"I get you," Natalia repeated. There was defeat in her voice. "I'm done when you say I am."

* * *

  
_"Silent, warnings tell me,_   
_That I've let things come undone._   
_Show me, teach me the way to heaven,_   
_'Cause no other way can..._   


  
_I haven't lost myself in a long time._   
_I never tried to care when I wanted to._   
_I just wanna be part of something._   
_I just wanna be real like you._   


  
_Sometimes, I feel like a monster,_   
_And times, I feel like a saint._   
_I'm on my knees,_   
_You're my favorite disease."_   


In the days that followed Rafael's birth, Roberto Nascimento and his wife found themselves in a honeymoon period. All of the tension and struggle melted away from their marriage as they focused on their newborn son. It seemed, at the time, as if everything was going to be okay between them.

But, as all good things come to an end, the honeymoon period didn't last. The promises that Nascimento and his wife had made, that things would be different after the baby, didn't hold true for long. All of the hoping and wishing that things would change didn't bring about any lasting change in their marriage. Soon enough things were deteriorating between him and Rosane again.

It had been a long day. Usually Nascimento looked forward to helping run the BOPE training camp. It was a time when he could relish in punishing the corrupt cops that were foolish enough to try out and when he could weed out the weak to find the best of the best. Men with heart to protect and cure his city. Men like him.

This year, however, with the added stress of having to choose a replacement for himself Nascimento was finding it difficult and more draining than usual. When he returned home he was tired. All he wanted was to get changed out of his work clothes and sit down on the sofa and relax.

Rosane was in the kitchen preparing dinner. She had Rafael balanced in one arm while she tried to put a salad together with the other. "Did you decide on a replacement yet?" she called out, having heard her husband come through the door.

There was never any room to breathe. As soon as Nascimento walked through the door, his wife was constantly on his case. If he thought her nagging had been bad before Rafael was born, it was nothing compared to what it was now. Squeezing his eyes shut, Nascimento ignored her and continued to unlace his military boots.

"Beto?"

"What?" Nascimento snapped, trying to pretend he hadn't heard her the first time.

Rafael was crying as Rosane left the salad and walked across the kitchen so she could see her husband where he was taking off his boots in the front room. Instinctively the mother shifted her weight and bounced the baby up and down trying to soothe and quiet him.

"I asked if you have decided on one of the recruits to replace you at BOPE yet?" Rosane repeated.

Heading straight for the fridge, Roberto Nascimento walked past his wife and grabbed himself a bottle of water. The cold, clear liquid felt good running down his scratchy throat. There'd been a lot of yelling at the BOPE training camp that day. There always was at this point in the training. It was all part of weeding out the weak and corrupt.

"Beto!" Rosane's voice snapped, frustrated by her husband's lack of response. Rafael cried louder.

"Here, give me Rafa," Nascimento told her calmly ignoring the nagging questions. "The boy wants to see his father. He's crying because he hasn't seen him all day."

With a dissatisfied huff, Rosane turned away and walked back towards the salad bowl with the baby in her arms. She began aggressively mixing the salad with her one free arm. "He cries because he can sense we're angry," she countered without looking at her husband.

"Who's angry?" Nascimento asked, placing the water bottle back in the fridge.

"Don't give me that, Beto," Rosane warned. "You are."

Nascimento let out a sharp sigh. "Why would you think I'm angry?"

"Because I know you don't like it when I keep asking about your work. Because of the way you sigh and won't look me in the eyes."

It was true. Nascimento's eyelids fluttered as he tried to raise his brown eyes to meet hers. He couldn't.

"You can't do that one handed," Nascimento said his voice softening as he watched Rosane struggle to prepare the dinner. "Here, give me Rafa."

Rosane turned to face him. Her eyes were sad. "Because you avoid talking to me about anything important anymore," she added.

It was true, but Nascimento didn't want to admit it. "I've been away all day," he told her. "I just want to spend some time with my son. I don't want to think about work, okay?"

As Nascimento reached out his arms to take Rafael from her, Rosane shook her head. "Look at you," she chided, "you are filthy! I don't know if that is blood or sweat on your clothes."

Nascimento looked down at the black t-shirt he was wearing with the skull logo sewn over the breast. Dark, wet looking splotches clung to his skin. To be honest, it could be either. He wasn't sure.

"If it's blood it's not mine and I assure you they did something stupid to deserve it," Nascimento told her.

Rosane frowned. "Is that supposed to be funny, Beto?" She shook her head disapprovingly. "You need to go get cleaned up before holding Rafa."

* * *

  
_"Closer, closer, closer to you._   
_I need to be closer,_   
_Have closure, get closer to you._   
_Every step I take..._   


  
_Sometimes, I feel like a monster,_   
_And times, I feel like a saint._   
_I'm on my knees,_   
_You're my favorite disease._   


  
_And I love the way you kill me..._   
_Love the way you heal me..."_   


Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Natalia hardly had any time to spy on the crooked cops anymore, the way that Baiano was making her work.

In a rare quiet moment Natalia pried up the floorboard that hid her stash of notes. Despondently she flipped through them. It was pathetic, she realized. What did she have, really? Dates and times of payoffs. License plate numbers. Names. A few sketches because she couldn't even afford a camera. She had nothing.

There was no doubt in Natalia's mind. Each and every man on her list was crooked. But who was going to take her word for it? The definitive proof that she had been holding out for had never come. Without a recording or at least some photographs her list of crimes would be looked at as no more than a fairy tale.

The last two years of her life had been for nothing, Natalia thought, defeated. With that thought, she shoved the stack of papers back into their hiding place. Pulling herself up from the dirty floor, she made her way over to the tiny window. With a heavy sigh she stared out at the dark, star-filled night sky.

"What do I do?" Natalia pleaded. "God please answer me. What do I do?"

Nothing had turned out the way that Natalia had planned. Everything she had worked toward was falling apart. Two years, three months and eleven days had passed since she had watched her family slaughtered by the police, and she was, she realized, no closer to bringing them to justice. Natalia began to cry softly.

"I know I have made some mistakes," Natalia admitted. "I've made a lot of mistakes. I've done a lot of bad things."

Natalia paused to reflect on how far she had strayed from her faith. It was so disheartening to her to think that what had started out as good intentions had turned into this. She had become what she despised. She had become a part of the problem without ever meaning to.

"I have helped move drugs that have brought hurt and awfulness to the lives of others. I have allowed for my body to be used. I have lied and knowingly done wrong," Natalia went on listing her sins.

Once Natalia had started the words seemed to flow freely from her mouth. It felt good to speak the truth out loud. It felt good to put all of her cards on the table and put her trust back in her faith. It had been too long since she had opened her heart up to God.

"Please forgive me of my sin," Natalia begged. "Show me the way to make right the wrongs I have committed."

The cool night air wafted in through the open window. Natalia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting it fill her lungs. Once. Twice. Three times. Each time she inhaled she envisioned her faith filling her. When she exhaled she pictured the weight lifting from her shoulders.

"Please, help me," Natalia pleaded. She knew she couldn't do this on her own anymore. "Show me the way. Give me a sign."

Opening her eyes, Natalia gazed out into the still, dark night. No sign came. No voice of God spoke to her. As always, she was on her own. Perhaps her God had forsaken her as she had deviated so far from her faith, she thought. Perhaps this was her punishment.

Scared, alone and feeling lost, Natalia resigned for the night. With a reluctant sigh she turned away from the tiny window and made her way to the stained and dirty mattress in the corner of the room. Crawling under the blankets she pulled them tight up under her chin and she thought of her parents. She imagined she that she was wrapped up safe in their arms.

In the morning Natalia would get her sign. Although she would not like the form it took. Once more she would be staring at the face of death. White and gold emblazoned on black: the knife in the skull.


	6. A Sign to Point the Way

**Lyrics from SIXX:A.M.'s "Life is Beautiful"**

* * *

Life had a cruel way of taking everything good away. The fighting between Nascimento and his wife had continued, until finally he snapped. It had been the day Neto had died, shot down in the streets of some shit hole favela where he was just trying to bring a little boy some reading glasses. When he'd returned home and Rosane had started in at him, like she always did, about work he had just snapped. The next day when he returned home she had been gone. She had taken her stuff and their son, Rafael, with her and left a note.

In one fell sweep Nascimento had lost a team member, his replacement, his wife and his son. It was more than most men could bear, but he pushed it aside. There would be time to work on getting his family back, but before he could think about that he needed to deal with the lowlifes who were stupid enough to kill a skull.

The drug dealer they were after was named Baiano. He was in hiding, but Nascimento wasn't going to let that get in his way. He had his team going door to door in the favela where everything had gone down. He knew they couldn't harass the residents like that, but he didn't care. Baiano had broken the rules when he'd had Neto killed, and now Nascimento didn't care too much about playing by the rules himself. One way or another he'd find Baiano and kill him, at any cost.

And it had worked. One link in the chain had invariably led to another until finally they had cornered some poor kid on top of the hill. Matias had done well. He hadn't flinched, hadn't so much as hesitated to take over the interrogation. Nascimento had watched with a sort of pride as the man who would now be his replacement had beaten the boy relentlessly for information. He had been prepared to go to any length, to cross any line to get the information they sought.

In the end it had paid off. Threatened with sodomization by a broom handle the boy had caved and talked. He didn't know where Baiano was holed up, but he knew who did and they only lived a couple shacks down from him.

* * *

_"You can't quit until you try._   
_You can't live until you die._   
_You can't learn to tell the truth,_   
_Until you learn to lie._

_You can't breathe until you choke._   
_You gotta laugh when you're the joke._   
_There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive._

_Just open your eyes,_   
_Just open your eyes,_   
_And see that life is beautiful._   
_Will you swear on your life,_   
_That no one will cry at my funeral?"_

Natalia's eyes shot open, jarred awake from where she had been curled up sleeping comfortably on the old mattress laid out on the floor. Rough hands were jostling her body, shaking her awake.

An unfamiliar voice filled her ears. "Wake up. Wake up," it commanded sternly.

"Hey!" Natalia protested, groggily trying to swat the hands away. The world was still blurry as she tried to blink the sleep from her eyes.

Satisfied that the girl was awake and alert, the rough hands let go of her, Things were coming back into focus for Natalia. White and gold and black swirled together until finally they materialized into a sign she recognized all too well. The knife through the skull. She was staring at the emblazoned logo of BOPE on the sleeve of the man who'd been shaking her awake.

"I'd like to ask your permission to search your residence," Another voice spoke. As it anyone would dare say no with three men in full tactical get up and carrying assault rifles standing in the middle of their room.

It wasn't the veiled threat that left Natalia shuddering. It was the voice that had uttered it that sent chills down her spine. She didn't want to look up. She didn't want to see the truth, but she knew it was him. Very reluctantly she raised her head to see the BOPE officer who had beaten and interrogated her. He was standing mockingly with his arms folded across his chest.

Both Nascimento and Natalia knew that he wasn't really asking for permission. Still, Natalia nodded.

Off to the side stood two other men. Both of the men shared the black uniform of BOPE. When Natalia laid her eyes on Matias she could have sworn she recognized him from the newspapers after the shoot out in Babilônia. Although he had been wearing the blue inform of the regular police force back then she was almost certain it was the same man.

Natalia could remember how furious Baiano had been when the newspaper had come out. The picture plastered on the front page had sent the drug dealer into a rage unlike anything she had ever seen. It was some story about the shoot out at Babilônia, these two rookie heroes and how BOPE had come in to save the day. Yeah, she remembered that night. She had been there hiding in some strangers closet. When she had finally decided to make a run for it she had walked around the corner to almost the exact same scene shown on the newspaper.

"May I make myself at home?" Captain Nascimento asked drawing Natalia's gaze away from Matias.

The pleasant smile Natalia found on his face mocked her inability to refuse. "Of course," she croaked. Her throat felt so parched as if she'd been walking for days through the desert.

It wasn't about finding evidence. Nascimento didn't need any evidence. Natalia had been named by the last boy they had interrogated and today that was good enough for him. If these drug dealers and their lackeys thought that they could kill a Skull and get away with it, they had another thing coming.

Still it was all part of the show. It was all part of the psychology. Interrogation was about more than just putting a bag over the prisoner's head and beating on them until they talked. Of course, Nascimento had nothing against that either. But the more he could assert his power, the more he could make her feel helpless and realize that he was in complete control of what happened to her, the easier it would be to get the girl to talk.

"No. 4," Nascimento called to one of his men. "I want you to search the closet over there."

No. 4 nodded. "On it, sir."

Matias, the one Natalia thought she recognized from the papers, stood at the ready with his assault rifle trained her. If she made any sudden moves he'd shoot her. Of that she had no doubt.

Standing in the middle of the room with his arms still folded over his chest, Nascimento watched for any tells on the girls face. Natalia made no reaction as his man dumped the contents of her closet on the floor and started rifling through the pile. In fact she seemed far more concerned with the Captain himself and the more he watched her, the more the girl seemed familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place her.

"There's nothing in the closet, sir," No. 4 reported. "Just some clothes and junk."

There was disappointment on his face as Nascimento nodded. While he didn't need any evidence, he had hoped for something to hold over her. Oh well. Time to move on with the plan. "Bring her outside," Nascimento told his men.

As Matias stepped forward to grab the girl a floorboard creaked under his foot. It was one of the loose floorboards that sheltered Natalia's hidden stash of notes. There was no chance that Nascimento missed the way Natalia reflexively tensed up at the sound.

"Hold on," Nascimento unfolded his arms and held up a hand. "No. 2, step aside," he instructed Matias.

Matias stepped aside and him and No. 4 resumed guarding Natalia while Nascimento crouched down and pried up the loose floorboard. Out of the cubby hole the captain removed a stack of papers.

"What do we have here?" Nascimento asked as he flipped through sheet after sheet of what appeared to be dates, names, and other numbers.

"Don't!" Natalia shot up without thinking and tried to grab back the papers. It was all the evidence she had against the cops that had murdered her family. It was everything she had worked towards for over two years. It was with little difficulty that Matias grabbed the girl and shoved her back down to the mattress.

"Stay put," Matias warned.

There was nothing that Natalia could do. Tears streamed down her face as she sat and stared helplessly as the Captain went through her most personal and protected belongings.

There were names on the list that Captain Nascimento recognized. Rocha was on there, so was Fábio. The latter had been one of the crooked cops that had recently applied for BOPE. The piece of shit had quit on the first day of training when Nascimento had exposed him for what he was.

As Nascimento scanned through the stack of papers his eyebrows furrowed and his expression became serious. "What is this?" he demanded, shoving the pile of papers in the girl's face.

"It's nothing. Please..."

"Doesn't look like nothing," Nascimento replied angrily.

"No it doesn't, sir," Matias agreed.

"I swear, it's nothing," Natalia cried, her heart filled with despair.

"If it's truly nothing, then you won't mind if I hang on to them," Nascimento commented as he shoved the papers into his pocket. There was something gratifying as he watched as the girl realized that there was nothing she could do about it. Turning to his men he added, "Bring her outside. We're going to have a little chat."

Matias and No. 4 grabbed Natalia roughly under the arms. A ball of dread formed in the pit of her stomach as she watched the Captain turn and disappear out the door ahead of them. Natalia knew what came next. That ball of dread swelled and grew until it threatened to swallow her whole. Her breath became shallow and shaky, her vision narrowed and began to black out. Finally the fear simply overwhelmed her and she lost consciousness.

* * *

_"I know some things that you don't._   
_I've done things that you won't._   
_There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home."_

Nascimento and his men returned to the cliff side where they had interrogated the boy earlier. The same boy who had given Natalia up. Red pools of his blood formed on the ground, not yet fully absorbed into the soil. The crimson liquid was sticky and still warm. BOPE had wasted no time in finding the next link in the chain that brought them one step closer to finding Baiano.

"She's out, Captain," Matias called. Behind him Natalia's feet left a trail where they dragged along the dusty ground.

"Splash some water on her face," Nascimento instructed. Matias nodded, unscrewing the cap from his water bottle.

* * *

_"I was waiting for my hearse,_   
_What came next was so much worse._   
_It took a funeral to make me feel alive."_

Natalia was jolted unceremoniously back to consciousness. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was the blood stained ground and bloodied, discarded plastic bags from BOPE's earlier interrogation. Black spots quickly clouded her vision as her brain threatened to retreat back to unconsciousness.

Captain Nascimento saw the girl waver and quickly reached down grabbing her chin. With a firm grip he forced her to look up at him.

"Don't you go passing out on us again." Nascimento warned. "We will just wake you up and this will continue until you give us what we want, do you understand?"

This wasn't the first time Natalia had knelt at this man's feet, her arms bound behind her. She understood. All too well, she understood and it was more than she could bear. Closing her eyes, she exhaled slowly. There had been many days that she had spent a top this same hill with her younger sister. Natalia tried to remember those warm afternoons and evenings spent with Camila. They had spent so many hours up here giggling and chatting about school and boys and what they wanted to be when they grew up. Drug runner had never been on Natalia's list. Funny how things didn't always work out according to plan.

Nascimento planted himself in front of the girl. His imposing figure blocked out the rest of the world from her view. "I don't want to have to hurt you," he explained.

Natalia laughed. Given her circumstances she should have been horrified by the sound that escaped her lips, but she wasn't. She had no illusions about what was coming next.

"That's what you said last time," Natalia reminded her captor. Her voice was defeated.

A bewildered look crossed Nascimento's face. It hurt and sickened Natalia to realize that he didn't even recognize her. To think that he didn't remember their first encounter. She, on the other hand, would never forget.

"How many people have you tortured? How many have you killed?" Natalia asked disgustedly.

"You criminals," Nascimento shook his head with a disgust that matched the girl's own. "You sell drugs, ruin people's lives, rob and cheat and kill, and then have the nerve to cry foul when it catches up with you and you get what you deserve."

"Like that boy? Like the lookout?" Natalia asked. "We're all sinners, yet you act like your sins are righteous! And yet he has to die for his? He deserved to die for doing what he could to try and survive? Did you even know his name? It was Paulo. He had a family! Did you even care?"

Tears streaked down Natalia's face as she shouted out the words. Her wavy black hair was plastered to her delicate, wet cheek. It was like a torrent. Once she had started she couldn't stop, until finally Nascimento spoke up.

"I..." Nascimento stammered.

Nascimento's eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to force back the guilt he felt as that night came flooding back. The guilt that had been planted by the mother of the lookout, of Paulo, and had been growing since that day in the station. She had looked familiar. He remembered her now, the black-haired girl who had sang to try and escape her pain. He remembered.

But, guilt was a dangerous emotion for a BOPE officer, especially in the field. Especially when he had to be hard and convincing to get the information that would lead him to Baiano. How was it this tiny, pathetic girl had managed to get under his skin.

"You should be dead," Nascimento stated matter-of-factly. He couldn't help but wonder if that ghost he'd seen in Babilônia had actually been her, or if it had been nothing more than a figment of his stressed out brain.

"If you wanted me dead, you should have let your men shoot me," Natalia countered.

"Is that what you would prefer?" Nascimento scoffed. "That I would have had my men shoot you?" She should be thankful she was alive. She was lucky.

In the months that had followed that night there had been many times that Natalia had wished for just that. Having found the limit to Baiano's forgiveness and suffering through the humiliation of his punishment, there had been times when she would have gladly pulled the trigger herself.

"Some days I thought I would have," Natalia admitted shamefully.

There was a raw honesty in the girl's voice. Nascimento's eye lids flickered at her words. What could he say? He didn't know how to respond.

"But you don't think about how you actions effect the people you leave behind, do you?" Natalia pushed.

That had been true, once. Nascimento had done his job and never thought of the people he'd hurt in the process. Before he was to be a father, before the mother of the lookout had come in to his office and asked for the right to bury her son, it had been true. Before that seed of doubt, that seed of guilt had been planted. Since that night he had thought about that lookout many times. He'd thought about the black-haired girl too, but Nascimento didn't dare admit it.

"You're a drug runner. Why should I care what happened to you after I left?" Nascimento dismissed her coldly. If he didn't push the guilt aside, if he didn't lock it away in some small corner of his mind it would swallow him whole and prevent him from completing his mission.

"I'm not..."

"You're not?" Nascimento questioned angrily as his dark brown eyes widened and he leaned in closer.

Natalia gulped nervously. That man terrified her like none other. Besides, he was right. She was a drug runner, whether she wanted to admit it or not, that was what she had become.

"I've made my mistakes, but I'm not a bad person," Natalia pleaded tearfully.

Bitter disappointment filled Nascimento and he scoffed and turned his back on the girl. What had he been hoping for? What had he wanted her to say? Still, she had spirit and part of him wanted it to be true. But of course, she was no different than the rest. He couldn't let her drag him into thinking anything differently.

"I don't want to be this," Natalia cried. "I never wanted to be this."

"Then you shouldn't have started running drugs," Nascimento snapped unsympathetically.

"It's not that simple," Natalia sighed.

Nascimento shook his head and scowled. "You know what you are?" he asked.

"No, but I'm sure you're willing to enlighten me," Natalia replied bitterly.

"You're weak."

"And you're a bully," Natalia countered, expecting full well to feel the blow of his fist across her face for the comment.

But no strike came, the Captain just continued talking as if she had said nothing. "You're weak. That's why you refuse to take responsibility for your own choices. It's easier to blame someone else. Don't think I don't know your kind," he warned.

"You don't know me at all." Natalia insisted.

"I know you're too weak not to talk," Nascimetno told her as he rolled up the sleeves of his black uniform. "Now tell me, where can I find Baiano?"

It was happening again, Natalia thought helplessly. "Please don't," she whimpered.

"Tell me where Baiano is," Nascimento repeated his demand.

"Do you know what he will do to me if I give him up?" Natalia asked.

"And what do you think I will do to you if you don't?" Nascimento threatened. "Baiano is responsible for the death of one of my men. The death of a Skull. I'm not leaving here without him and believe me when I tell you that you're going to give him to me."

Natalia's stomach lurched. She remembered all too well what this man was capable of. "I can't..." she tried to speak but anxiety had constricted her chest until it was difficult even to breath.

Too many useless words had already been wasted. Nascimento raised his hand to strike his prisoner. A little pain ought to help put her in the mood for talking.

"Wait!" Natalia cried desperately.

It was happening all over again. Natalia would continue to live in fear: fear of BOPE, fear of Baiano, and fear that she would never escape this life until either she turned up dead or she made the choice to get out. She'd asked God for a sign. Maybe this was it, she thought. Maybe this was where she was supposed to choose.

"Those papers you took," Natalia spoke, but her voice was weak and very shaky. "Give them back to me."

Nascimento threw his head back and laughed. Who did this girl think she was? "I don't think you quite understand the gravity of the situation you're in. You don't get to make the demands."

"Return them to me," Natalia demanded again, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't make her voice firm and convincing. Not when he was standing over her. She closed her eyes, expecting to feel the sting of the Captain's hand across her face.

But Nascimento stood, watching her curiously. "What is so important about these?" He asked, waving the stack of papers in the air. "If you don't want to cooperate, maybe I should just throw them off this hill."

Natalia took a deep breath. Two. Three. Without opening her eyes she spoke slowly and clearly. She had nothing left to lose. "Two years ago my family was murdered. They were shot down while I watched. I held my sister as she bled out. Her body was covered in bullet holes. It didn't take long."

It was just another sob story. Nascimento had heard them all, but still he stood and listened as Natalia told her story. He listened as she explained how she had gotten close with the Red Command so that she could monitor the coming and going of the corrupt cops in the favela, how she had dedicated her life since her family's death to exposing those responsible for what they were: crooks, liars and murderers.

"Those papers are all I have. Please, I never wanted this. I never wanted to be a drug runner. If you take those from me then all I have done has been for nothing."

Natalia took two more deep breaths before opening her eyes and looking up to meet her captor's. Something had softened in them since she had last stared into those dark brown eyes. They weren't as cold. There was something almost human in the way he looked at her.

"I will help you find Baiano," Natalia promised. "I will give you the chance to find justice for your friend. Please don't take away any hope I have of finding justice for my family."

"Who's to say she isn't lying," Matias cautioned.

It had occurred to Nascimento that everything she said could have been made up in order to garner his sympathy. Something, though, nagged at the back of his mind. There was no way she could have expected him to find those papers. He knew Fábio was corrupt. He'd known before the police captain had set foot in the BOPE training camp. When he'd been the first that begged to quit, it had only cemented it in his mind. It all added up with what she was telling him.

Nascimento lifted his chin and studied the girl as he thought it over. "I hang onto these until after I have Baiano," he explained.

"And once you have him you'll let me take my notes and go?" Natalia repeated in shocked disbelief. She hadn't expected it to be so easy.

Nascimento nodded.

"Swear on your life?"

"I swear it," Nascimento assured her. His men shuffled their feet uncomfortably as they watched the exchange. Captain Nascimento was still their team leader and commanding officer. It wasn't for them to question his tactics.

It was a gamble. Natalia swallowed hard. If she was making the wrong choice to trust this man it was a choice that she could never take back. On the other hand, if she didn't take a risk, she knew that she'd never get out of the tangled web that had ensnared her into the life of a drug runner. But it felt right. It felt like God was giving her the chance that she had prayed for. Natalia told him where to find the drug dealer.

"No. 4," Nascimento called once he had Baiano's whereabouts.

"Yes sir?"

"Keep an eye on her until I get back," Nascimento commanded. "Make sure she doesn't go anywhere. If she tries to run, shoot her."

"Understood sir."

"No. 2," Nascimento turned his attention to Matias.

"Yes Captain?"

"Ready to go get this bastard?"

"Absolutely, Captain."

Under armed guard Natalia watched as Captain Nascimento and Matias disappeared. They would find Baiano where she said they would and they would kill him. That much she knew. What she didn't know was what would happen when they returned.

Natalia was scared. They could just as soon shoot her when they got back and there was nothing she could do but sit under the hot sun, staring down barrel of a gun while she waited. So Natalia did what she always did when life got to be more than she could bear. She closed her eyes and imagined she was somewhere else, somewhere safe surrounded by the loving faces of her family, and she began to sing in a quiet, melodic voice.

_"Just open your eyes..._   
_Just open your eyes,_   
_And see that life is beautiful._   
_Will you swear on your life,_   
_That no one will cry at my funeral?"_


	7. Nascimento's Choices

**Lyrics from Katy Perry's "Firework"**

* * *

Time was a funny thing. It was all so relative. Sometimes it seemed to fly by and other times it practically stood still. Right now was one of those times where it inched along so slowly that it didn't seem to be moving at all. Natalia sat, staring down the barrel of a gun. The man that guarded her was dressed in the black uniform of the Skulls. They were waiting for the return of BOPE's alpha team leader, for Captain Nascimento, the man that would either be Natalia's savior or be her executioner.

Whatever happened next, whatever way things went, Natalia knew that everything had changed today. Her world had been turned upside down and inside out by a simple choice. She'd given up Baiano's location. Nothing could ever be the same again. There would be no returning to the Red Command compound. There would be no returning to the cover identity that she had built and lived for the last two years. That part of her life was over, and no matter what came next, for that she was thankful.

Thankful that her bonds had been broken or not, Natalia was nervous. More appropriately, she was terrified, and she had good reason to be. She knew the type of men these were: brutal, ruthless, unforgiving. They were monsters. She had seen them before. So she did the only thing she could do with No. 4's gun pointed at her, to ease her anxiety and pass the time. She sang because if she didn't she thought she just might fall apart.

_"Do you ever feel like a plastic bag,_   
_Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?_   
_Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin,_   
_Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?"_

Natalia's captor was alert and observant. His keen eyes constantly scanned the perimeter for any threats, all the while still keeping tabs on his prisoner. Escape would be a futile endeavor. Natalia knew she wouldn't make it two steps before the man whom the Captain referred to as No. 4, squeezed the trigger and sent a bullet plunging into her racing heart. He was as cold as the rest of them and wouldn't hesitate, Natalia knew.

It had occurred to No. 4 that the prisoner sitting before him looked more like a scared little girl than some drug dealer's lackey. Of course, they all looked scared when BOPE came into the favelas. These losers, they'd act so tough, but one look at a skull and they went running with their tails between their legs or sniveled, begging on their knees. Still, this girl had done little since the Captain had left except to alternate between staring longingly at the sky and singing softly with her eyes closed.

_"Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?_   
_Scream but no one seems to hear a thing..._   
_Do you know that there's still a chance for you,_   
_'Cause there's a spark in you?"_

A sharp bang rang through the air. It was the unmistakable sound of a shot fired. Natalia stopped singing and opened her eyes. It was done. Baiano was dead. There was no turning back now. Captain Nascimento would be return for her. Everything was coming to it's conclusion. She only hoped that he kept his part of the deal, that he would be a man of his word.

* * *

Pride, that's what Nascimento felt. An undeniable sense of pride. Matias had done well. He stood there over Baiano's corpse, the 12 gauge in his hands and bits of skull and grey matter splattered at his feet, and Nascimento knew he had chosen well. Matias would make a fine replacement. He was worthy of leading Nascimento's team and now he knew that his heart belonged to BOPE. Nascimento had made sure of that.

Neto's death had been avenged. These scum bags would think twice before attacking a Skull in the future. They had made sure of that too. No one could hide and no where was safe when BOPE came after them.

One loose end remained that needed to be tied up. Back down below was the black-haired girl. To be honest, Nascimento didn't know what he was going to do when he returned. The promise he had made her had only been to get what he wanted. Then he saw the way that the girls eyes lit up, just for a moment, as he stepped into view. She had believed him. He had given her his word and she had believed him.

"Mission accomplished, sir?" No. 4 asked as his Captain returned with Matias not far behind.

Nascimento nodded simply. "Mission accomplished."

"And the girl?"

Nascimento took a pause to chew it over. Happening to glance over at Natalia he watched as the light he had seen in her eyes faded. It was replaced with fear and dread.

"You swore on your life!" Natalia cried, realizing that she likely wouldn't wake to see another day.

It wouldn't have been the first time Nascimento had told some low life what they wanted to hear to get what he needed from them. Yet that guilt returned and he couldn't just give his men to execute her.

"What will you do with these?" Nascimento asked, pulling the stack of papers from his pocket.

"I would take everything I have learned to the newspaper," Natalia explained.

"The paper?" Nascimento repeated surprised. "Why not take it to the police."

"When they're the problem in the first place?" Natalia shook her head. "It would be pointless. It was pointless," she added. It wasn't like she hadn't tried when everything had first happened.

Nascimento knew the sentiment all too well himself. Everyone in BOPE knew it. It's why none of them thought too highly of the regular police force. They were easily corruptible and if a problem arose they'd make sure it was someone else's problem and not their own so that they wouldn't have to put in the effort to deal with it.

"What do you hope to gain by doing that?" Nascimento asked.

"Maybe if I can bring enough attention to the problem then it can't just be ignored," Natalia replied hopefully. "Maybe then someone will need to do something about it."

The girl had a good heart, Nascimento thought. He couldn't deny that he had desired the same thing. Often he found himself wishing that he could be the one to deal with the problem. Admittedly, in his version of the fantasy it involved putting a couple of bullets into all of the corrupt cops not taking a handful of weak evidence to a newspaper. Still the girl was trying.

"No. 4, release the prisoner's hands," Nascimento ordered.

"Sir...," Matias protested. No. 4 hesitated and looked uncertainly from Matias back to the Captain.

"I still give the orders around here," Nascimento snapped.

Matias took a step backwards and straightened himself up. "Yes Captain." Meanwhile No. 4 fumbled quickly to untie Natalia's binds.

Once free Natalia rubbed at her wrists, massaging the blood back into circulation where it had been restricted. Cautiously she reached out, and took the papers Nascimento held out for her. Everything she had worked for, everything she had given up two years of her life to get was in those papers.

"Thank you," Natalia told him. "Thank you." She meant it.

Captain Nascimento's eyes blinked rapidly as he nodded. The girls gratitude, after everything she had been through because of him, after what he had done last time they had met, it stung. "If I were you, I'd get out of here," he warned.

If anyone put two and two together, and it wouldn't be that hard, they would soon figure out that it was Natalia who had given up Baiano. There were only so many people who had known his whereabouts. Once that happened, there would be a target on her back. She couldn't stay here anymore, Nascimento was right. So, not knowing where she'd go, Natalia nodded and took off.

The last couple of months had been hell. Today had been a nightmare. But things were finally starting to look up. Sure, she had no home, nowhere to go, no one to help her, but for the first time since her family had died Natalia felt free. In the morning she would go to the newspapers with what she knew and it would all be over, she told herself.

_"You don't have to feel like a wasted space._   
_You're original, cannot be replaced._   
_If you only knew what the future holds,_   
_After a hurricane comes a rainbow._

_Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed is_   
_So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road._   
_Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow,_   
_And when it's time you'll know."_


	8. Reaching Out

**Lyrics from Jack Johnson's "Losing Hope"**

* * *

_"I got a faulty parachute._   
_I got a stranger's friend._   
_An exciting change in,_   
_My butchers blend._   
_A symbol on the ceiling,_   
_With the flick of a switch._   
_My new found hero,_   
_In the enemy's ditching"_

It was time. The day that Natalia had been waiting for had finally arrived. With butterflies in her stomach she had entered the newspaper office. In her hands she had held the stack of evidence she had gathered. Over two years of records on the comings and goings of corrupt cops in the favela that had been her home.

Across from Natalia sat the journalist who had agreed to listen to her story. His name was Tom. He was a short, thin man with graying hair. He'd been in the journalism business a long time. So as Natalia watched him frowning as he flipped through the papers she had brought, she felt her own confidence slipping away.

It wasn't easy for Natalia to watch as Tom scrutinized her only hope of finding justice for her family. She struggled to contain the nervous energy that, bit by bit, was replacing the naive excitement with which she had initially entered the office. Anxiously she chewed at her finger nails, tugging at the skin around her cuticles with her teeth.

Tom pressed his lips firmly together and sighed. "I can't do anything with this," he informed her as he dropped the stack of papers back on the desk.

It was as if she had had the wind knocked out of her. Natalia felt crushed. "But..." she protested, but she couldn't even find the breath to speak.

"Look maybe if you brought me some hard evidence, then I could do something," Tom offered trying to appease the girl before the tears welling up in her big brown eyes spilled over. Her story was sad, but it wasn't unique. Still, he couldn't help but feel guilty turning her away when she had come in with such faith that he would be able to help her in her plight.

"I have!" Natalia nearly exploded. "I have brought you dates, names, numbers... Jesus, I have brought you their fucking routes!" she sighed exasperated and laid her head down on the desk.

"And I'm supposed to take your word for it?" Tom asked his guilt coming out as annoyance. "Because that's all these papers are," he explained, trying to soften his voice and not upset the girl further.

"I'm not making this up," Natalia pleaded, her voice muffled by the solid wood desk she spoke into without lifting her head. "You can go check them out yourself if you need to, everything you need is written on those papers."

What had this girl really expected, Tom wondered. His brows knitted tightly as he frowned. There was nothing more he could do for her.

"I'm sorry. Really, I am."

With a defeated sigh, Natalia lifted herself up from the desk. Palms still resting on the warm wood, Natalia asked in a last ditch effort to salvage something, "Exactly what sort of hard evidence would you need?"

This girl couldn't be serious, was Tom's first thought. If what she'd told him was true, she couldn't go back to the favela. One look into her eyes, though, assured him that she was indeed serious. So long as she breathed, she wouldn't give this up. It had been a long time since he had seen such single-minded determination.

"Photographs," Tom told her, shaking his head in resignation. He knew he couldn't change her mind, so he might as well tell her what she needed to know. "Recordings. Video would be even better."

Natalia nodded and headed toward the door. The journalist made it sound so simple, but how was she supposed to get photographs when she couldn't even afford a camera?

Nothing had turned out the way that Natalia had hoped. Nothing had gone according to plan. Today was supposed to have been the day she saw through the promise she had made to her baby sister, Camila. Leaning back against the cool concrete wall outside the newspaper office, Natalia struggled to fight off her tears. The road ahead would be long and difficult, and she didn't know if she could continue to face it alone.

_"The mark was left,_   
_Man it's never the same._   
_Next time that you shoot,_   
_Make sure that you aim._   
_Open windows with passing cars..._   
_A brand new night,_   
_With the same old stars._

_Losing hope is easy,_   
_When your only friend is gone._   
_And every time you look around,_   
_Well, it all, it all just seems to change."_

* * *

Inside of BOPE's head office the atmosphere was cold and impersonal. The building was devoid of the sorts of items that warmed up most office spaces. There were no plants, no pictures on the walls, no fancy furniture and warm lighting. Overhead flourescent bulbs flickered periodically, casting a uninviting light over the space. The furniture was sparse and simple: desks, chairs and a couple of telephones. Only the head honcho had a computer and his own personal office. It was bare bones, but it was effective.

Nascimento hardly seemed to noticed the flickering lights above him. He hardly seemed to notice anything at all. Not the people coming and going, not the phones ringing, not any of it. His thoughts were elsewhere. Mostly they were on Rafael. What hurt most wasn't Rosane leaving. There had been trouble in their marriage for some time. No, what hurt most was that she took their son, his son, with her.

"Nascimento!" The voice of his superior boomed. "What is going on here?"

The sound had startled Nascimento back from his thoughts. Blinking in surprise he looked up and stammered, "Sir?"

"You were supposed to have the report from your little stunt yesterday to me an hour ago," the brusque, grey-haired man complained. "From what I can see its still sitting on your desk unfinished."

Nascimento blinked and looked down at his desk. The report was still sitting there. On the wall the clock read much later than he'd believed it to be. The troubles in his personal life were eating away at him. If he didn't push them aside he wouldn't be able to do his job. He needed to focus.

With an embarrassed apology, Nascimento assured his superior officer, "I'll get on this and have it to you ASAP."

The man seemed annoyed, but satisfied. With a curt nod he walked away leaving Nascimento alone with his demons and the pile of paperwork that filled his desk still unfinished.

During the operation the previous day, Nascimento had broken all the rules. He had harassed the innocent residents of the favela in broad daylight with everyone watching. It was one thing to corner one of the traffickers and smack them around, but he had crossed the line. At the time it hadn't mattered to him. One of his own, a Skull, had been murdered and he had been determined to get the scumbag responsible. He had been determined to secure Matias' heart in BOPE as well. In the end though, it looked like all he was going to receive as discipline was a slap on the wrist. It didn't matter to him either way. He would have done the same again.

Still, reports needed to be filed and the stack of paperwork stared up at Nascimento from his desk. He had to stay on task and focus if he was going to get it done. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and tried to pull himself back together. There would be time to deal with his personal problems later.

When Nascimento finally opened his eyes he had to pinch himself to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep and was now dreaming. The last face he'd ever expected to see again was staring back at him. The black-haired girl from the favela stood awkwardly across his desk, her own stack of papers in hand. Nervously, she reached up with her free hand and pushed a strand of wavy hair behind her ear and bit the corner of her bottom lip as her eyes darted away from his.

While Nascimento sat with his jaw gaping open in surprise Natalia put down her papers and picked up the name tag that sat on his desk. "Captain Nascimento," she read aloud as she turned it over in her hands. It occurred to her that she had never known this man's name.

Snapping his jaw shut, Nascimento demanded sharply, "What are you doing here?"

Natalia fidgeted anxiously, unsure of how to answer the question. She wasn't sure she even knew the answer herself. It had been chance, or fate, that she had come here as she had wandered the streets aimlessly after leaving the newspaper. She hadn't even known the building existed. Every fibre of her being had been screaming at her to run away the second she had looked up and seen the sign for BOPE's head office.

Natalia bit her lip and stared down at her feet. The same feet that had developed a mind of their own and carried her through that front door against all her better judgement. The same feet that had carried her to the desk of the one man she should never want to see again.

"What are you doing here?" Nascimento repeated firmly.

Natalia burst into tears. "I don't know," she sobbed loudly, attracting the attention of the entire office.

Nascimento grimaced. He did not want to deal with this. Not now, not ever. However, here she was and he had little choice about it. "Sit down," he instructed as he pulled up a chair for her.

Taking the seat that was offered to her, Natalia gulped in deep breaths of air. It didn't take long for her to calm her sobbing. Though her eyes were already red and her cheeks stained with the wet salty tracks of her tears.

"I went to the paper," Natalia admitted.

The girl was a mystery to Nascimento. The first time he had seen her he had written her off as no more than a lowly delivery girl and had never expected to see her again. Yet she kept showing up in his life, and every time she did she surprised him.

Nascimento leaned back in his chair, folded his hands on top of his desk, and looked curiously at the girl sitting across from him. "That doesn't explain what you are doing in my office."

Natalia took a deep breath and started talking. She started at the beginning and related told him everything that had happened since she had first stepped foot into the newspaper.

"The journalist was right," Nascimento told her. It was true. There was nothing anyone could do about the corrupt cops with the evidence she had. Even with solid evidence he doubted there were many that would do anything about it still. The corruption and cowardice of people sickened him. "But why come to me?" he asked.

"I need help," Natalia admitted. "I can't do this on my own anymore." Although she tried, she couldn't look Captain Nascimento in the eye. The man still terrified her.

Nascimento swallowed. There was nothing he would like more than to give those corrupt police what they deserved, but he couldn't take the word of a girl he barely knew. Setting his jaw firmly, he asked her, "What makes you think that I would help you?"

"Because you had the chance to kill me and you didn't," Natalia told him, looking up and meeting his eyes for just a moment. "Twice," she added as she dropped her gaze back to the ground.

"So?"

"Because you listened to my story and you believe me."

"Who says I believe you?"

Natalia looked up and grinned shyly. "If you really thought I was just another trafficker working for Baiano, would you have let me go? Would you have given me back my things?"

The girl had him there. Nascimento nodded and blinked rapidly. There was nothing he could say to that.

The grin quickly faded from Natalia's face and her brown eyes dropped once more to the floor. "I don't know what to do now," she admitted ashamedly.

It wasn't his problem. That's what Nascimento meant to tell her, but part of him respected her determination to fight despite all of the odds stacked against her. She had heart. And instead he found himself asking her, "Where did you sleep last night?"

After what had happened Nascimento knew she wouldn't have been able to return to the favela. There would be a lot of people wanting her dead if the Red Command connected her to Baiano's death. He shouldn't care. He didn't want to care. But he'd left her for dead once already.

Without raising her eyes from the ground Natalia shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. How could this man who got to return to his own home at the end of the day understand what it was like not to have a home to return to. How could he understand what it was like to wander the streets where she had grown up, constantly looking over her shoulder wondering if the next person she saw would shoot her down. How could he, with his normal life, his family and friends, possibly understand that she had no one and nowhere to go, she thought.

"Natalia..." Nascimento said her name so gently he almost breathed it. The sudden softness to his voice surprised her, forcing her to look up at him. It was the first time, she realized, that he had ever called her by her name.

Natalia sighed. "I have nowhere to go," she told him.

"What about friends or extended family?" Nascimento asked. There had to be someone who could take the poor girl in until she could get back on her feet.

Natalia shook her head mournfully. "I couldn't have friends while I tried to infiltrate the Red Command," she explained. "The only people I've associated with for the last two years have been in the drug trade."

Nascimento knew something about what it felt like to be alone. Even though he had lived in the same house as Rosane since their marriage, it had been a long time since had had felt like he had anyone. He thought that Rafael's birth would have changed that. It didn't. Not really.

"There is room on my couch. You could at least have somewhere safe to sleep until you get things sorted out," Nascimento found himself saying.

Natalia's eyes grew wide with uncertainty. Why would this man open his home to her?

Nascimento saw the skepticism in the girl's eyes. "My wife and son are away right now, and I work long hours so the house is empty and there is plenty of room," he added hastily. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea.

Of course, Nascimento twisted the truth some. In the note that Rosane had left she had made it clear that her move was permanent. She had no plans of returning and trying to work on their marriage. If Nascimento was honest with himself, he didn't care about that. He had lost his wife a long time ago as they'd grown apart. All he cared about was Rafael, and he wasn't ready to accept that his son would not be coming home.

"I couldn't..." Natalia protested.

It was wrong on so many levels. This man was a stranger, he was a Skull, he was the man who had beaten and interrogated her. He had also let her go. He believed her. He knew what she was running from and what she was running to. Right now he was the closest thing to a friend that she had.

"You'd rather wander the streets?" Nascimento tilted his head slightly.

Natalia fidgeted uncomfortably. It was hard, but she didn't have a lot of options. At least this man in black didn't seem keen to cover up the truth that she had found. At least he lived up to the uniform he wore, instead of hiding behind it. Perhaps, Natalia thought, they weren't on opposite sides after all.

"Okay..." Natalia agreed hesitantly. While she might not know what she was getting herself into, it couldn't be worse than what she was getting herself out of, she thought.

_"Losing hope is easy,_   
_When your only friend is gone,_   
_And every time you look around,_   
_Well, it all, it all just seems to change._

_But hanging on is easy,_   
_When you've got a friend to call._   
_When nothings making sense at all,_   
_You're not the only one that's afraid of change."_


	9. Broken, But Not Defeated

**_Lyrics from Plumb's "Damaged"_ **

* * *

With a faint creak of a building that had long since settled, the door opened revealing Nascimento's dark apartment. Once open it hung lifeless and still, just like the empty space inside. No wife stirred, buzzing around the kitchen preparing dinner. No baby cried to be held or changed. There was nothing. It was empty. Quiet.

The apartment was the polar opposite of Nascimento's head at the moment. His mind buzzed and spun, unable to keep up with and process the day's events. Everything felt out of his control. His life had taken a turn of its own, very much without his consent. And he didn't like the feeling that left him with, not one little bit.

Closing his eyes as he shoved the key back in his pocket Nascimento tried to shove down the uneasiness bubbling up inside of him. Sweat began to bead on his brow line.

"Well, this is it," Nascimento mumbled as he stepped through the open door, leaving the girl standing in the hallway behind him. Quietly he leaned down, untying his military issue boots and slipping them off his feet. They were snug and smelled of sweat. It felt good to stretch his toes and leave that part of work at the door.

When he looked up Natalia was still standing there outside the threshold. She was visibly uncomfortable. Nascimento noticed the way she fidgeted nervously with her hands, the way her breaths had become suddenly shallow and rapid. He noticed the way her muscles twitched as she tried to cross the invisible line into his apartment.

Nascimento swallowed uneasily. What a bad idea it had been to invite the black-haired girl from the favela into his home. When he had invited her, he hadn't given it much thought. The words had just escaped his mouth in a moment of weakness, a moment fueled by pent up guilt. Since the two of them had exited BOPE's headquarters, though, he had had plenty of time to think of it, and with every thought it seemed a worse and worse idea. But here they were and it was too late now.

"Are you alright?" Nascimento asked Natalia who continued to stand just outside of the door.

The girl jumped at the sound of his voice. Her expression look startled. "Huh?"

"Coming in?"

Natalia nodded with feverish intensity. Something about the way her eyes were fixated on the ground, on the invisible line drawn in the doorway, told Nascimento that she was trying to convince herself and not him.

Natalia inhaled deeply, holding the air in until her lungs began to burn. Slowly she exhaled letting the soothing rhythm of a song play in her head, drowning out her inner voice that was screaming at her to run. A couple more deep breaths and she pulled herself together enough to take the plunge and hurried through the doorway. Her eyes shut at the sound of the door closing behind her. It was like a boa constrictor tightening around her chest, squeezing the breath and life out of her.

_Dreaming comes so easily_

_'Cause it's all that I've known_

_True love is a fairytale_

_I'm damaged, so how would I know?_

_I'm scared and I'm alone_

_I'm shamed and I need for you to know..._

* * *

"...And the bathroom is through the kitchen on the left," Nascimento finished telling his guest as he stood there and went through the rote routine and pointed out where key things were in the apartment - kitchen, bathroom, and the sofa near the entrance where she would be sleeping. Natalia just stood there, her back to the door, staring blankly in front of her. Every now and then her eyes would blink, but aside from that she stood as still as a statue. He couldn't help but wonder if she heard a word he said. If she did, she certainly didn't give any response.

Like an animal caught in a trap. That was how helpless Natalia felt. She was pinned there between the intimidating man in front of her, still wearing his black clothes with the Skull's logo emblazoned on them, and the door shut firmly behind her. Fear paralyzed her and she became acutely aware of the sound of her own heart pounding in her chest. The sound was so loud she was sure he could hear it.

Recognition. It was as clear as day. Nascimento had seen that same look before that was in her eyes now. He had seen it many times. Back in the favelas when he and his team would run down some scum bag, some kid the dealers had delivering drugs for them, some thug who had run out of ammo and high-tailed it. When he had them cornered, that is when he saw that look. It was the look of terror at being trapped and having nowhere left to run, of having no way to escape.

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say_

_And you can't take back what you've taken away_

_'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

Normally he relished that look. Part of him lived for those moments when he caught the filth of his city and could make them pay and remove them from the streets. But not this time, not now. A pang of guilt struck Nascimento at the realization of what this girl, with her big, frightened brown eyes was going through at the moment and the roll he played in it. His eyelids fluttered, his own eyes glancing away as he stepped aside, opening up a route past him into the apartment. It was her choice she had to make. To stay or to leave. Unlike the scum he caught in the slums, she had the option and the power was hers to choose.

A sigh escaped her lips as Natalia exhaled the stale air that had been trapped in the bottom of her lungs. The muscles in her face began to relax as Nascimento moved aside. He was her host, she reminded herself, not her captor. It was okay. She took one more tentative step into the apartment. She would stay, for now. She had nowhere else to go, and as much as she feared the man she was staying with, after so long living a lie it was a relief to know that this one person knew the truth.

Hours passed. Natalia sat on the sofa, with he feet tucked underneath her. From the kitchen came the rattling and clanging sounds of dishes. The fridge would slam and Natalia's body would lurch. Out of her view, Nascimento muttered frustratedly under his breath. She couldn't help but wonder how long his wife had been away.

As the time had passed, so had the frantic pounding of her heart subsided. And although calmer Natalia felt far from fine. Her decision to stay left her uncertain, unsure. She needed guidance, some sort of reassurance that the path she had chosen was the one she was meant to be on, that this is what God intended for her. Instinctively her hand made its way to her neck to where her sisters cross ought to be, but her grasping fingers came up empty.

Nascimento stuck his head out from the kitchen, "Are you hungry?" he asked awkwardly.  
What was he supposed to say to her, he wondered. He was sure some sort of apology, but he would not, because despite the guilt he felt he had been doing his job and he would have done it again. Still it wasn't easy and he found himself at a complete lack of words or understanding what to do with his guest.

With bullet like speed, Natalia's head shot up at the sound of his voice. Her brown eyes wouldn't meet his. Unable to form words, she shook her head vigorously. No, she wasn't hungry. Well, truth was she was hungry. Her body was anyways. It had been a while since she had anything to eat as her life had fallen apart the last couple of days. But, anxiety tied her stomach in knots and there was no way that she would be able to keep any food down, she knew that much.

Well he had tried. With a frown, Nascimento disappeared back into the kitchen. If the girl didn't want to eat, that wasn't his problem. He'd have his dinner, catch what was going on in the evening news, and then get some shut eye. So that is what he did. He ate, and turned on the TV to Globo News.

It seemed BOPEs mission into the favela days previous, to execute the drug dealer Baiano, was still making headlines. More surprising yet was the mixed reactions their blatant disregard for the rules had garnered. Not everyone was condemning the actions of him and his team. No, surprisingly many people, including some well known TV personalities, were supportive, insisting that a tougher stance needed to be taken with the criminals. Nascimento raised an eyebrow before turning off the TV and turning around to retire to his room.

Natalia was standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. He didn't know how long she had been standing there, how long she had been watching. Had she seen the news coverage of the previous day in the favela. Surely she would have a very different reaction to it, having been on the receiving end of the tougher stance that some were advocating for.

Nascimento opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. There was nothing he could say. Instead it was Natalia that spoke.

"Is it alright if I take a shower?" she asked simply. Her body language was timid. It was hard for her being in the home of a man who had beaten and interrogated her, in  _his_ home.

Nascimento swallowed and blinked rapidly. Maybe she had seen less than he thought. "Of course," he blurted out after a moment.

Natalia pressed her lips firmly together, forming a thin line. Dressed in his civilian clothes his features seemed softer. The scowl that always adorned his face had been abandoned along with his work uniform too. She noticed dark rings under his brown eyes. He looked tired and worn down, something she hadn't noticed previously. In fact, he looked less like a monster and almost like a normal human being, she thought as she nodded in thanks.

Nascimento sat at the kitchen table drinking a glass of water. From the bathroom came the sound of running water and muffled sobs. He listened, that uneasy feeling creeping back to the surface. None of his training, none of his past experience, told him what to do in this situation. Instead of his wife and son this strange woman, whom he barely knew, was here. Their brief history so complicated that every gesture, every action was awkward.

Reluctantly Nascimento dragged himself over to the door. Knocking gently he asked, "Is everything alright?"

Hastily, Natalia shut off the water and reached up to wipe the tears from her eyes with the back of her wrist. "Fine," she called from behind the locked door. "Everything's fine." They both knew it wasn't.

Natalia stepped gingerly out of the shower. With her index finger she traced lines in the foggy mirror on the medicine cabinet above the sink.

B. R. O. K. E. N

Broken. That was how she felt. Damaged goods. So much baggage that she could barely stand under the weight of it. It wasn't just the interrogation by BOPE. So much had happened over the last couple of months that she wished she could take back. Baiano had wanted to punish her for losing his drugs. Even though he was dead now, he had succeeded.

Natalia shuddered. Her skin was red and raw from the hot water of the shower. Try as she might to scrub away the memories her skin still crawled. She could still smell the stink of Baiano's loser friends. What else could she have done? If she had refused, Baiano would have shot her. If she was dead, she would never find justice for her family.

Wiping away her writing, Natalia peered at her reflection. She looked tired and worn down too. Maybe tonight she could sleep. There would be no one creeping into her room. There would be no need to constantly be watching over her shoulder as she wandered the streets wondering if the Red Command had linked her to Baiano's death. Maybe in the most unlikely of circumstances things might start to get better.

_Healing comes so painfully_

_And it chills to the bone_

_Won't let anyone get close to me_

_I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know_

_I'm scared and I'm alone_

_I'm shamed and I need for you to know..._

* * *

Roberto Nascimento rolled over and threw his arm over the spot where his wife should be. No warm body laid next to him. Hazily he registered the sound of footsteps and cupboards in the kitchen, and for a moment he thought that Rosane was back, that soon he would hear Rafael's hungry cries. Then the previous day came flooding back to him. He glanced at the alarm clock sitting on the nightside table and groaned. It read 4:43 am.

Reluctantly he swung his legs out from under the covers and over the side of his queen size bed and got up. Wearing his pajama bottoms and an old grey t-shirt he trudged out to see what Natalia was up to so early in the morning. He found her in the kitchen, stretched up on her tip toes peering into a cupboard.

The girl had had no possessions, aside from the stack of notes the newspaper had turned her away with. She had had no clean clothes. Nascimento had lent her one of his shirts to wear as a nightie so that she would not have to change back into her grubby clothes after showering. It was the best he could offer as Rosane had taken all of her belongings when she had left.

The shirt had come halfway down Natalia's thighs. She was much shorter and more petite than the man. It hadn't been perfect but it would do. Now though, stretched out trying to reach for something the shirt rode up to just below her buttocks. Her slender legs extended, their muscles flexing as she struggled to gain that last inch.

Nascimento had to swallow and look away. "What are you doing?" he asked, trying to mask his own embarrassment.

Natalia spun around at the sound of his voice, sending a large glass bowl crashing to the floor. Glass shattered everywhere. Natalia immediately dropped to the floor, frantically trying to pick up the scattered shards.

_I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say_

_And you can't take back what you've taken away_

_'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me_

_There's only for my soul_

_And undo this fear_

_Forgiveness for a man_

_Who was stronger_

_I was just a little girl_

_But I can't look back..._

Some people just weren't cut out for the fight. Nascimento saw it all the time when we recruits came to the BOPE training camp. It wasn't just the corrupt cops that needed to be weeded out, it was the weak too, it was those who lacked heart. Sometimes it was better that someone who just didn't have it in them give up early on, rather than drag it out. Whether that someone was a new recruit trying out, or a cowardly girl kneeling on his kitchen floor was moot.

"Stop," Nascimento ordered firmly. "Just stop."

Natalia froze. Tears were brimming in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she pleaded. "I just thought I could make breakfast. You let me stay here, Captain Nascimento, it's the least I could..."

Nascimento shook his head. He had thought that Natalia had heart the times he encountered her previous, but maybe he was wrong. The look he sent the girl silenced her. Natalia's jaw snapped shut and she knelt there on the floor waiting for the wrath to follow, waiting for the sting of his hand across her face for her mistake.

Nascimento crouched down next to her. "You're never going to find the justice you're looking for," he spoke in a calm but antagonizing voice. He leaned over her shoulder the way he would with his recruits during BOPE training camp when he told them they wouldn't succeed, that they should just quit.

"How dare you!" Natalia snapped, forgetting her fear for a moment as she tried to stand.

Nascimento reached out with lightning reflexes and grabbed Natalia by the wrist, firmly keeping her in place. "Never," he repeated calmly. "Do you know why?"

"Go to hell!" Natalia shouted trying to pull away from him.

"Do you know why?" Nascimento repeated, his grip not wavering.

Natalia glared at him. "Why?" she asked reluctantly giving in to his game.

"Because you're a mess. You're nothing more than a frightened little girl. You can't even look at me and you want to take on Rio de Janeiro's corrupt police force?" He raided an inquisitive eye brow. "You will never take them down because you don't have what it takes."

"I spent two years living with the Red Command," Natalia protested her eyes locking onto his. "You think that was fun? You think that is what I wanted to do? I did it because that's what I had to do to get close enough to gather evidence." Her back was up. She wasn't going to let this man tell her that she didn't have what it took, not after everything she had been through. "It wasn't easy, but I did it and I would do it again if it meant I had a chance at bringing those bastards down."

"You'll never bring them down," Nascimento repeated in the same calm, antagonizing voice. He shook his head slowly from side to side. "Never."

"I have to," Natalia insisted.

"You should just give up."

"No," Natalia shook her head. She couldn't understand why he was saying all these horrible things to her. All she had done was broken a bowl. "I can't," she pleaded.

"What you can't do is win. You'll never beat them. Give up, forget about it and move on with your life."

"Never!" Natalia snapped, a sudden fierceness in her voice. She was ready for a fight. How dare this man... but she stopped when she noticed the triumphant smile that had crept onto Nascimento's face. He had let go of her wrist. This was what he wanted she realized. This is what he had been pushing her towards.

* * *

_Can't go back..._

_I can't go back..._

_I must go on..._

_I must go on..._

"What will you do now?" Nascimento asked Natalia a little while later as the two of them sat quietly at the table eating breakfast.

"I will do whatever I need to do," Natalia replied with the utter certainty of someone who's faith is unshakable. "I will get the evidence that Tom needs for the newspaper. If he wants photographs... If he wants video recordings, that is what I will give him and I won't stop until I have succeeded." Not until she fulfilled her promise to her baby sister, Camila.

"It won't be easy."

"I know. But if I don't, then who will do what is right? I have to do this. I can't give up."

Nascimento found himself surprised at how much he liked the heart of the girl sitting across from him, the girl whom he had written off as nothing more than a drug-running scumbag. But she was much more than that, and he couldn't help but admire her rediscovered determination, her spirit.


End file.
